Why I Wrote a Letter to the 'Anxious Me'

My depressive episodes of bipolar bring about unrelenting anxiety. The questions I fill my head with that have no relevance…The self-hate talk that consumes my every thought… The unrelenting feeling my loved ones will finally get tired of me and leave. The fear that I’m ruining my children… Not to mention the thoughts of suicide that hide behind everything else. When it all gets too loud in there, in my head, I lose myself to anger and irritability. I cry, I scream, I throw things, I say the things I can never take back. I say them to myself and to those who love me.

Recently, I sat down and decided to write myself a letter. A letter to the anxious me. A letter to the “me” I am when my thoughts, feelings and reactions no longer allow me to be conscious of who I really am.

Here it is:


If you are reading this, you must be having a hard time. Just remember you are a good person. This won’t last forever. You are kind, funny and intelligent. You love your family and friends. You are a good mom who loves and lives for her children. You are artistic and creative. You are witty and sarcastic. You love your pets and all animals. You love music and the Counting Crows. You share what you have with whoever is in need. You care about your home and making it feel comfortable. You are pretty. You are brave and strong. You will feel better. This feeling won’t last. You are going to get better. It is going to be OK soon.

I try to read it, or at least remember it when an episode strikes. It helps me remember who I am when I am not in the grips of depression and anxiety. It shows a reflection of who I am to myself. I am reminded it won’t last forever — it never does. What does last forever is the fact I have a mental illness. That will not change. But in those times when going into the dark seems like the end, I know I will come back to the light eventually. Night never lasts forever. I am reminded of who, what and why I am and why I am reading this love letter to myself.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Unsplash photo via Helloquence.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Anxiety

woman with balloons

What Anxiety Is (and What It Isn't)

There is a difference between just being stressed, and having anxiety. Mental illness is no joke. It’s more than the punch line of your favorite meme. It is definitely not something to be taken lightly. In my experience, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is a bitch. For me, it is waking up and counting those few seconds [...]
21 People Share the Worst Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression (1)

21 People Share the Worst Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression

When we think of depression and anxiety, we often think of sadness and stress — respectively. While those definitions aren’t necessarily “wrong,” they can fail to take into account the real pain people with both depression and anxiety experience. The truth is, when it comes to anxiety and depression, there are a lot of symptoms [...]
A woman looking at her phone

When Every Minor Physical Sensation Makes You Think You're Going to Die

Hypochondria. There’s a stigma that encircles the word, and puts a bad taste in the mouths of those who struggle with is. We make jokes about diagnostic websites, breathing masks, hand sanitizer and frequent visits to the doctor to ensure we’re not, in fact, dying. But there’s more to it when you experience hypochondria. Little [...]
Man drawing with pencil, elevated view

How Art Helped Me Illustrate My Anxiety

As a young 17-year-old artist in the world today, I have epiphanies and realization moments every day, thinking of new ways to do things with the tools I’m provided. Ask my Independent Art professor. He doesn’t understand how many ways I realize a simple paintbrush can be used. I regularly don’t use tools the way [...]