To the Friends Who Left Me Because of My Struggle With Anorexia
Editor’s note: If you live with an eating disorder, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “NEDA” to 741-741.
To the friends who left me because of my anorexia,
You left me in my worst point of weakness, when I was tired of fighting and knocking on death’s door.
I admit for so long I was angry at you. I went through the stages of grief. I was angry, then I was confused, then I was sad and then I wanted you back.
You were a part of my life, a part of my growth as a person, and then you left me.
However, I do not hold any resentment against you.
Instead I have begun to realize I am thankful for what you did.
You made me realize how much I needed recovery. You became something I lost and from the pain it brought I finally realized I didn’t want to continue losing the things I loved.
When I entered into recovery, our separation made me realize the importance of finding myself in recovery, with you I was held back as a member in a group and not an individual.
When our separation had passed a few months time, I realized I didn’t want to be friends with you any longer.
It wasn’t that you weren’t astoundingly beautiful friends to me — you were. The memories we made I will cherish forever. However, I can’t live my life with people like you in my life.
It was too hard for you and I understand that. I knew how hard it was for me and in recovery I have seen how hard it is to watch the people you love self-destruct.
But if you can’t see me at my worst, then you can’t see me at my best. My best will take a long time to get to, it’s a process I am currently working on every minute of my existence.
I couldn’t have been able to recover without your decisions, they shaped me to be stronger and with that strength, I found myself again.
If you or someone you know has an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorders Association helpline: 800-931-2237.
the friend you left because of her anorexia
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Thinkstock photo via Rively