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To the Friends Who Left Me Because of My Struggle With Anorexia

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Editor’s note: If you live with an eating disorder, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “NEDA” to 741-741.

To the friends who left me because of my anorexia,

You left me in my worst point of weakness, when I was tired of fighting and knocking on death’s door.

I admit for so long I was angry at you. I went through the stages of grief. I was angry, then I was confused, then I was sad and then I wanted you back.

You were a part of my life, a part of my growth as a person, and then you left me.

However, I do not hold any resentment against you.

Instead I have begun to realize I am thankful for what you did.

You made me realize how much I needed recovery. You became something I lost and from the pain it brought I finally realized I didn’t want to continue losing the things I loved.

When I entered into recovery, our separation made me realize the importance of finding myself in recovery, with you I was held back as a member in a group and not an individual.

When our separation had passed a few months time, I realized I didn’t want to be friends with you any longer.

It wasn’t that you weren’t astoundingly beautiful friends to me — you were. The memories we made I will cherish forever. However, I can’t live my life with people like you in my life.

It was too hard for you and I understand that. I knew how hard it was for me and in recovery I have seen how hard it is to watch the people you love self-destruct.

But if you can’t see me at my worst, then you can’t see me at my best. My best will take a long time to get to, it’s a process I am currently working on every minute of my existence.

I couldn’t have been able to recover without your decisions, they shaped me to be stronger and with that strength, I found myself again.


the friend you left because of her anorexia

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.

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Thinkstock photo via Rively

Originally published: October 27, 2017
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