The Hope I Feel Before an Appointment With a New Doctor

Tomorrow I see a new doctor. With all the insurance changes and having to get Medicaid, I can no longer see Dr. P., my favorite and primary care doctor for most of this wild journey, or my psychiatrist who finally got the correct combo of meds!!

I have read enough articles, blogs and chronic illness Facebook posts to know not to get my hopes up, but here I am, 24 hours away from an appointment, getting excited. Tomorrow’s the day we get an answer and fix me!! It’s this feeling I’ve had many times before. Before the neurologist, MRIs, every blood test, rheumatologist appointments, gastroenterologist and every other “ist” I have seen. Maybe someone will have an idea on how to help me or find answers in a new test.

Chronic illnesses are different than most – you never want tests to show anything bad, but at the same time you want something to show up so maybe the medical community can fix it.

Though I have the diagnosis of fibromyalgia, along with some other things, it doesn’t mean I’m well or that we actually know exactly what is wrong. I’m still having the same problems and the longer it goes on, the more frustrated I get. I still have a plethora of symptoms that can’t be explained by just fibro, some of which are quite scary. Just this week I passed out, fell off the toilet and broke my glasses beyond repair. This isn’t something that exercise and mindfulness can fix. It’s not something I just work through or can blame on my depression.

Something is still wrong.

So here I am, being hopeful and praying the doctor says something new or different tomorrow. I know deep down that I’m at the beginning of the marathon that is my new life and no person or miracle medicine can fix me… yet.

I still want to believe that I, like so many others in the chronic illness community, am not forgotten or left to accept a diagnosis without treatment options. We all deserve to have hope in the medical community around us.

So to a new doctor I go with my medical records, a list of the 12 medications I’m currently on and a hopeful attitude.

This post originally appeared on Sarah V.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Fibromyalgia

woman in a red jacket standing on top of a mountain looking down at small winding path

The Long, Winding Path You Face After Accepting Fibromyalgia

I’m pretty shy about sharing my writing. Last week, I accidentally shared one of these Mighty articles on my general Facebook feed and had some alarmed responses. People were a little freaked out and thinking I wasn’t coping very well. Freaking out in a good way, a kind way, and I guess when you’re quiet [...]
Water colored image of a girl walking through a pathway in the woods.

Why I Don't Have a Choice But to Manage My Pain

Choices are a very important part of life. When a person feels like they have choices, they often feel empowered, hopeful, creative and inspired. Buying a car, a home, clothes for work, and even groceries, are choices that we make to express who we are, where we have been and where we are going. A [...]
A woman sitting in a field, looking overwhelmed.

Why I Fear I'm Letting People Down Because of My Illnesses

I’ve had fibromyalgia, digestive issues, anxiety and depression, for years. I can trace back to middle school, sitting against the wall in the fetal position because of how bad my stomach hurt. Or high school, when I couldn’t face the day. I couldn’t comprehend how going to school that day would be OK. I couldn’t [...]
items on a table at a yard sale

The Bittersweet Process of Giving Up Possessions I'll No Longer Use Due to Chronic Pain

Once chronic pain set in and settled in about five years ago, I had no choice but to give up many activities. But to give up the possessions that support or represent those activities has been another process, one so very bittersweet. It has meant acknowledging that I am not going to recover and pick right [...]