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The Hope I Feel Before an Appointment With a New Doctor

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Tomorrow I see a new doctor. With all the insurance changes and having to get Medicaid, I can no longer see Dr. P., my favorite and primary care doctor for most of this wild journey, or my psychiatrist who finally got the correct combo of meds!!

I have read enough articles, blogs and chronic illness Facebook posts to know not to get my hopes up, but here I am, 24 hours away from an appointment, getting excited. Tomorrow’s the day we get an answer and fix me!! It’s this feeling I’ve had many times before. Before the neurologist, MRIs, every blood test, rheumatologist appointments, gastroenterologist and every other “ist” I have seen. Maybe someone will have an idea on how to help me or find answers in a new test.

Chronic illnesses are different than most – you never want tests to show anything bad, but at the same time you want something to show up so maybe the medical community can fix it.

Though I have the diagnosis of fibromyalgia, along with some other things, it doesn’t mean I’m well or that we actually know exactly what is wrong. I’m still having the same problems and the longer it goes on, the more frustrated I get. I still have a plethora of symptoms that can’t be explained by just fibro, some of which are quite scary. Just this week I passed out, fell off the toilet and broke my glasses beyond repair. This isn’t something that exercise and mindfulness can fix. It’s not something I just work through or can blame on my depression.

Something is still wrong.

So here I am, being hopeful and praying the doctor says something new or different tomorrow. I know deep down that I’m at the beginning of the marathon that is my new life and no person or miracle medicine can fix me… yet.

I still want to believe that I, like so many others in the chronic illness community, am not forgotten or left to accept a diagnosis without treatment options. We all deserve to have hope in the medical community around us.

So to a new doctor I go with my medical records, a list of the 12 medications I’m currently on and a hopeful attitude.

This post originally appeared on Sarah V.

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Originally published: November 10, 2017
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