What I Wish for as a Person With Anxiety


I wish for that day…

I wish for the day when I wake up having slept all night, no nightmares involved — without the nightmares that make my anxiety wake me and I can’t fall asleep again. I wish for the day when I can go to bed, turn off the light, and sleep arrives without thinking about tomorrow, what happened today or what will happen next Wednesday.

I wish for the day when I wake up without anxiety — without that pressure in my chest that doesn’t let me breathe, even if the day hasn’t started yet.

I wish for the day I can go out without thinking a nearby group of girls is laughing at me.

I wish for the day I won’t keep things inside, fearing what people will think of me.

I wish for the day I stop wondering when my boyfriend will leave me, when he will get tired of me, when he will stop loving me, whether it will be my fault or not; if I will be enough for him, if I deserve him, whether I am making him happy or if I am doing it wrong.

I wish for the day I’m not afraid to defend myself when they attack me.

I wish for the day when I stop feeling guilty for everything that happens around me

I wish for the day I can trust myself and not remind myself every moment how useless and stupid I feel, or what little I am worth, or how insufficient I feel compared to the whole world. Insufficient daughter, insufficient friend, insufficient girlfriend, and so on.

I wish for the day I want to do things without thinking about how worthless I am — writing, reading, sports, learning new languages or improving others.

I wish for the day when I won’t depend on anyone. I wish for the day when I have enough self-esteem and self-love to move forward without having anyone by my side.

I wish for the day I don’t get anxious doing exams. I wish for the day when I don’t get anxious working. I wish for the day when I stop comparing myself to my school or workmates, physically and intellectually, because that makes me believe I am less than them.

I wish for the day when I won’t be afraid to be alone at home. Or to be literally alone. I wish for the day when I won’t be afraid of being forgotten and of being alone — that no one wants me because I’m not enough for anyone.

I wish for the day when I won’t be anxious about what will happen tomorrow or in a year. I wish someday I could wake up wanting to eat the world, wanting to live and do things without being anxious, fall in love and love without thinking about what will happen in X time or without being worried about his feelings for me.

I wish for the day I don’t compare myself with anyone and I can work without anxiety, doing and enjoying what I like.

I wish for the day when I stop feeling that pressure in my chest, that feeling of drowning, that desire of not wanting to eat, those headaches, that panic that produces in me so much agony; that panic turned into a constant voice in my head that tells me they will leave me again, that everything is a lie, that no one will support me, that I will remain alone, that I will never overcome my problem, that I can never be “normal.”

I hope the day comes when I can say I overcame an anxiety disorder.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Anxiety

a picture of a woman with butterflies coming out of her stomach, next to a photo of a man with bite marks on his hand

12 Pictures That Show the Different Ways Anxiety Manifests

You may be familiar with how difficult it can be to explain what anxiety is actually like. Sometimes words just can’t accurately portray the surprising ways anxiety emerges, the thoughts and feelings it provokes and the seemingly irrational actions it makes you do. Sometimes words just aren’t enough.  So if you’ve found it difficult to explain [...]

5 Mantras That Help Me as a Parent With Anxiety

When I was diagnosed with anxiety four years ago, I never imagined that parenthood would be in my near future. I now have two daughters, a toddler and a newborn, whom I love deeply but who also bring with them an endless parade of new things I worry about. In my 20 months as a mother, [...]
woman sitting in airport waiting for boarding looking out at plane with suitcase in front of her

5 Tips for Preparing for a Year Abroad When You Have a Mental Illness

I am nearly half way through my degree in Russian and International Relations. Next year, I will be living in Russia for 10 months as part of my degree. Luckily, I was able to experience a trial period in July 2017, when I lived in St Petersburg for a month. From this, I learned that [...]
Randall Pearson from "This Is Us"

Sterling K. Brown Wins Golden Globe for Best Actor in a TV Drama for Role on 'This Is Us"

On Sunday, Sterling K. Brown won the Golden Globe for best actor in a drama TV series for his role in “This Is Us.” Brown plays Randall Pearson on the show, and his character experiences anxiety and panic attacks in multiple episodes. The storyline around Pearson’s mental health begins toward the end of the first [...]