How to Have a Healthy Sex Life With Fibromyalgia


There’s a bit of a balancing act required when it comes to sex and having chronically low energy. On one hand, the release you feel when you’re connected with that person can reduce stress, relax you and help you fall and stay asleep. On the other hand, going to bed later and the energy of being active that late at night can make staying in the moment challenging. And staying in the moment is key for everybody to have a good time.

I found that when it comes to sex, talking with your partner is key.

But have that talk before you’re in the moment and not when things are heating up. Otherwise, you’ll both feel like the rug is pulled out from under you and the last thing you want is to go to bed frustrated or guilty.

So at a time when you’re both alone and in a comfortable setting, ask them to talk about your sex life. They’ll be thrilled! And they’ll feel incredibly close to you because you’re trusting them with something so intimate. It will probably start something, to be honest! Which would be a bonus because then you could lounge in bed during the day with your love.

Start the conversation with how much you love being with them, etc. but find that falling asleep so late is really making it hard for you to get moving the next day. And because you don’t want to lose that intimacy with them, ask for a compromise on time of when the both of you can be relaxing in bed. Light a candle, only have your nightstand lights on and set the mood for the evening.

Get completely ready for bed, teeth brushed, showers taken and set your phone to automatically go on silent between certain hours of the night so you don’t hear any unwanted beeping. Maybe you start out both reading or talking while you come down from the day. But spending that time with just the two of you, with no real distractions will instantly move things along and help build a healthy sex life for the both of you.

And the best part is, you can then fall asleep while they read or watch a movie on their iPad with headphones. Just because you’re asleep doesn’t mean they have to! But most times you’ll actually find that their body wants sleep too and because they’re relaxed, they’ll want to fall asleep with you.

A big part of my sex life is having this routine with my partner. But on the days where it doesn’t go according to plan, I make sure I don’t beat myself up for needing to go to sleep. And because I hate that joke on television where the woman goes “Not tonight, I’m tired,” I changed that language to be “I love you, but I’m sleepy.”

And that is always met with love, compassion and typically, an earlier bed time the next day.

Don’t be afraid to be honest, try not to have difficult conversations in the heat of the moment and remember that you both love each other and can work through anything life throws at you.

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