What This Picture Shows About My Depression and Anxiety


This is the view from my couch right now. To most people all it is is a clean room. To me, this is a huge success. This is conquering my depression and anxiety.

Most days my home is full of scattered clothes, crumbs, dishes and movies all day. Today I was determined. Today I was able to get this room picked up and vacuumed. Today I won.

Depression makes me feel like I am a horrible human. Anxiety makes me feel like I can’t possibly get anything done. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) makes me feel like I have to get the whole house clean. Right now. All of these mental health disorders mixed together make it really hard to focus on what matters.

What matters is I am not done fighting. I will always fight for a better life. Some days that means taking it easy, and being OK with how my house is in that moment. Today though, I conquered all the negative self-talk, all the pressure (from myself) to be perfect, and I proved to myself that I can heal from these disorders.

Image Credits: Stacy Dalley Cox

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Depression

newly married couple in front of field of sunflowers

What I Want My Soon-to-Be Husband to Know About Our Relationship With Depression

To the man I will call my husband in nine months time… You never knew mental illness before we met, and yet you stand shoulder to shoulder with me through every struggle. Learning to deal with this side of me was difficult for you, and I can see that some days you’re still learning. You [...]
double exposure in red and blue of woman looking depressed

How Working in Mental Health Changes My Depressive Episodes

Sometimes, finding a balance between being both a professional and consumer of mental health services can be challenging. In one role, I am supposed to be the one who educates, inspires and informs others who are struggling. In the other role, I am the one who needs to be educated, inspired and informed. I am [...]

When Depression Makes You Fantasize About Your Own Funeral

By the time I was 15 years old, I used to fantasize about my funeral regularly. The nice things people would say about me. Hearing the positive ways I impacted their life during my “short time” here on Earth. How I was so loved and had so much going for me. How greatly I will [...]

We Need to Stop Assuming Depression Is a 'Teenage Phase'

People need to understand that depression is not supposed to be your companion as you go through adolescence. I know adolescence can be hard. I’m aware it’s not the easiest time in life. It can mean being moody, having fights with your parents or having bad days now and then, but please never confuse it [...]