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What This Picture Shows About My Depression and Anxiety

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This is the view from my couch right now. To most people all it is is a clean room. To me, this is a huge success. This is conquering my depression and anxiety.

Most days my home is full of scattered clothes, crumbs, dishes and movies all day. Today I was determined. Today I was able to get this room picked up and vacuumed. Today I won.

Depression makes me feel like I am a horrible human. Anxiety makes me feel like I can’t possibly get anything done. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) makes me feel like I have to get the whole house clean. Right now. All of these mental health disorders mixed together make it really hard to focus on what matters.

What matters is I am not done fighting. I will always fight for a better life. Some days that means taking it easy, and being OK with how my house is in that moment. Today though, I conquered all the negative self-talk, all the pressure (from myself) to be perfect, and I proved to myself that I can heal from these disorders.

Originally published: March 27, 2018
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