Being Medicated Makes Me a Better Mom
I never pictured myself needing a couple of white pills to make it through the day.
I also never relied on them to help me get through the long and very stressful days of motherhood.
I take medication to help with my depression. It makes me a better person… it makes me a better mom. There, I said it. I can’t imagine my life without those tiny, white pills that I so desperately depend on. They are my saving grace and without them, well, I may not be here to write this.
You see, I was in a very dark place after my youngest was born. I had thoughts that never crossed my mind… thoughts that made me feel like a horrible person. A horrible mother. I was in a fog for over five months — I was merely going through the motions and doing the bare minimum to just survive. The things I once enjoyed doing, I had no interest in anymore. Of course, my sons would have been affected by my lack of desire to thrive… I didn’t read them stories or do fun art projects. Instead, I would turn on the TV in hopes of keeping my toddler entertained while the baby would sleep.
The weeks would turn into months of feeling like I had no control over my life. I felt like I was slipping into a dark abyss and like there was no way out. It was frightening. I was turning into a rage monster that easily lashed out on her husband and children… something had to change. So, I reached out for help. I saw a therapist. I got prescribed the medication. I never looked back.
I’ve been on my medication for nearly three months now and while I still have my rough days, they are nowhere near as rough as they used to be. I never imagined a couple of pills would dramatically affect my life, but I will attest to this right now: being medicated makes me a better mom. I have found myself getting back into my old groove and doing the things I once loved. I’m doing more things with my kids. I’m getting out into our community and meeting new people. I’m trying.
Sometimes, antidepressants get a bad rap. I think it’s because people that don’t need them to function don’t quite understand the severity they hold. I take my pills to make me a better mom and to make sure I can be there for my kids. No, they are not a “quick fix…” I have tried for months to feel “normal” on my own and I had no success. I exhausted all the options, weighed the pros and cons in my head and came out with the conclusion that being medicated may be the option for me. It’s working. I’m on my way to leading a more enjoyable life.
I won’t say that being on antidepressants is for everyone and you definitely have to remember to take them every single day. I will also say I’m unsure on how long I will take them. Will this be something I need for the rest of my life? Will I become dependent on them for my sole happiness? These things are highly unlikely, however, I am willing to take those risks if it means I can be the mother to my sons they deserve.
Unsplash photo via Kyle Nieber