With Every New Suicide in the News, My Heart Breaks


Editor's Note

If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741741.

I feel like every time I go on the internet, check Twitter or Facebook, I see a new celebrity that has died by suicide. I woke up this morning to see a tweet from Mandy Moore celebrating the life of Anthony Bourdain, attached with the phone number for the suicide hotline. I clicked on the article, praying that she just posted the number for those grieving his death, and not because that’s how he died. But as I read that they had confirmed the cause of death as suicide, my heart broke.

Just this week, both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain lost their lives to this cruel demonic monster. As did hundreds of others that aren’t featured in the news, but whose deaths are no less tragic and whose grief still stretches wide across friends, families and communities. Every time I read or see or hear one of these stories, my heart just breaks a little bit more.

Having been in the depths of suicidal thoughts and tendencies, having survived two suicide attempts myself — I know that darkness all too well. I know the pain in your chest and heart and the lies in your head that can become your truth. I know what it’s like to not be able to get out of bed and to fall asleep every night praying that you won’t wake up. I know what it’s like to think about getting hit by a car every time you cross the street, or what would happen if you took all your medicine instead of just one pill. I know what it’s like to believe that suicide is the only way out and that it wouldn’t matter if you were here or not, to feel like your death could have more meaning that your life ever did. I know.

So days like these when I wake up to articles about another celebrity that has died by suicide, people that say “no one could have ever guessed I ever struggled with this,” my heart weighs heavy. It’s a reminder that this chameleon-like monster that hides in the shadows does not discriminate one bit. It’s a reminder to be kind to everyone you see or meet, because you have no idea what could be going on their life. It’s a reminder that we all struggle, we’re all human, and we all need a little help sometimes. Please reach out if you think someone you know is struggling, it just might save their life. And if that person is you, please know that there are people who care, and you are loved and worthy of help and hope.

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Getty image via With Luis Galvez


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