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Borderline Personality Disorder Makes Me Feel the Crushing Pain of Loneliness

Editor's Note

If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741741.

As someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), I find that loneliness is one of the symptoms I have the most trouble dealing with.

I often worry that I’m too reliant on others. Therefore I strive to be independent. This need for independence only lasts until I’m home alone.

As soon as my family leaves the house, I feel the crushing pain of loneliness. I’m empty. Nothing matters. I need someone. Anyone. When they return, I feel whole again. It’s like I’m incomplete without others to fill the gaps inside me.

But, I’m working on it. As long as I keep moving forward and trying, I’m happy.

I also find that online communities, like the Mighty, make me feel less alone in my experiences. Having that connection gives me hope that I can overcome my symptoms. Even if the progress is slow.

Unsplash photo via Mitch Lensink