To My Dear Sick Girl: A Message From Your Inner Self
As much as I don’t want to be honest I know I have to. It is good for me and it is good for those who need help as much as I do. In a previous time when I was feeling OK and my illness was cutting me some slack, I remember thinking I need to remind myself of some very important things the next time I’m having a really rough time. So I kept them close to my inner self and am bringing them out today in hopes that I and anyone else who is struggling can find comfort in them.
To my dear sick girl,
This is from your inner self. The part of you who remembers those days that are manageable and filled with hope and not what you are feeling now.
I know you are so unbelievably scared right now. That fear is encompassing you and turning your brain against you. I know you put on a brave face and want so desperately to be strong. I know that as the days go by you start to give up hope. You ask yourself, when will relief come? You wonder for the millionth time, what did you do to deserve this? You are feeling guilty for being sick and ungrateful for not trying to find the blessings.
I also know that it feels different this time, symptoms you haven’t had before, and that makes your stomach burn with fear. I know the tears come at night as you curl up in a ball underneath your blanket. I know you feel a failure at everything. I know you wonder if it will ever get better again.
But I, your inner self, am here to tell you that you are strong. You are brave and you are courageous. You do so much more than you will ever think you do. It is OK to be scared and to cry and to get frustrated and really angry.
Who cares if it is too hard to do your hair or to put on makeup or to wear clothes other than sweats. Your kids don’t care. They know how much you love them and they feel it every day. They make it to school or camp and you do everything they need from you. You take them on trips no matter how bad you feel. You read stories with them. You snuggle with them. And, you always laugh with them no matter how you are feeling.
You have a group of friends and family who have huge hearts and unending support for you. They will all see you through this every time and will never let you give up.
It has gotten better before, even though you can’t see it now, and it will again. You are stronger than this disease, my dear Sarah. You will pick yourself up and go on to conquer the next battle and the next one.
You will continue to learn and grow from these health issues. You will feel positive, light and calm again, I promise.
Feel what you have to feel and do what you have to do, but promise me you will never ever give up hope. Hold onto it. Even if you have to bury it deep within you. Just don’t ever stop feeling its glow.
See you soon. The Sarah I know is still there deep inside. I will be waiting.
With much love,
Your inner self