5 Reasons I Didn't Go to Therapy for Social Anxiety (Until Now)

The first time I was diagnosed with anxiety, it was a self-diagnosis. I was in high school, reading up on mental illnesses in AP Psychology class, when I came across the term “social anxiety.” I realized it explained the physical symptoms I had whenever I did presentations or spoke in every day conversations with friends. The tremors. The nausea. The heart palpitations. I wanted to go to a specialist to confirm my suspicions, but I was a minor who was dependent on parents who saw mental illness as taboo and therapy out of the question. I ignored it, believing that if I exposed myself to enough public speaking roles, it’d eventually go away. (It didn’t.)

In college I majored in communications, partially because I enjoyed writing, but mostly because I wanted to face my fears in the verbal communication arena. I stepped into leadership roles and forced myself to attend social gatherings. These tactics backfired once my anxiety took over and gave me a flood of negative thoughts about how I acted in front of others. I began to develop depression. When I finally opened up to a close friend about my mental health struggles, she suggested I take advantage of our on-campus counseling center. By this time I had taken up a second major in human development, with a concentration in counseling, so I was well aware of this service and the benefits of therapy. Still, I didn’t go.

It took me more than 11 years from my first self-diagnosis to confront my mental health challenges and finally get help. While I flirted with the idea of therapy and began actively pursuing it, I had trouble following through. Here are the barriers that stopped me from going to therapy, and how I eventually overcame them:

1. The Stigma
Like many others, I feared the potential shame among my family and friends. It also didn’t help that in my culture, mental illness is a subject people avoid. While my parents acknowledged my struggles, they worried about what others (specifically, my relatives and future employers) would think if they found out I needed therapy. They suggested “acceptable” alternatives like yoga and meditation. My friends and colleagues are the ones who finally encouraged me to take the leap. They shared their own experiences with therapy, and their transparency and bravery inspired me. After I started going to therapy, I decided I wouldn’t hide it either. By normalizing therapy, I could help break the stigma and encourage others to seek help.

2. The Skepticism
There was one point in college when I wanted to be a school counselor. It was a short-lived dream that dissipated the moment my anxiety took over, and I feared I wouldn’t be able to help others if I couldn’t even help myself. I became skeptical of therapists, terrified at the thought of someone like me or one of my judgmental classmates helping others. Over the years, my friends and I turned to each other for guidance, and I wondered why it was necessary to go to a therapist at all. It later dawned on me that there was a lot I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with close friends or even a boyfriend because I didn’t want to be a burden. It was time to reframe my negative thoughts and give therapists a chance.

3. The Cost
Let me state the obvious: therapy is expensive. Even if you’re lucky enough to have insurance that pays for a good chunk of a session, you’re limited by the number of counselors both in your network and located within a reasonable distance from home. I struggled to find in-network therapists before I decided to go through my company’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which includes a number of free therapy visits and phone calls per year. I learned if insurance and costs were an issue, I had to look into the other supports employers, schools or nonprofit organizations provide. (TWLOA does a great job connecting people to available resources in their local community.)

4. The Wait
As I mentioned above, connecting with a therapist, especially one within your insurance network, can take a long time. I personally had a lot of problems finding one who was taking new patients. The high demand for therapy seemed to surpass the number of available therapists in my network and in my area. After a while, I gave up on doing it on my own and went through my EAP provider, who connected me to four different therapists until there was one who finally said she had an availability. The entire process took me about two years, and the back and forth was incredibly exhausting. I know this sounds bad, but if you’re currently experiencing awful wait times, please don’t feel discouraged. There are plenty of things to do in the meantime, including meditation, reading self-help books and practicing other self-care strategies. There are also those local community resources I mentioned above.

5. The Vulnerability
For someone with social anxiety, sharing personal thoughts with close friends and family is already challenging enough. And for the longest time, I couldn’t imagine sharing all of my problems and fears with a complete stranger. I feared emotional vulnerability, something that went away once I opened up and blogged about my mental health. I wish I could say my first therapy session went smoothly, but I was a wreck. I poured out more than I had intended, and I was constantly reaching for the tissues. But throughout all the emotions, I found the entire experience to be cathartic, and eventually I began looking forward to future sessions.

You may think therapy isn’t for you, and that’s OK. Many people have to try it out a few times with different counselors before feeling completely comfortable with the experience. Whether you decide to participate in counseling, support groups or online communities like The Mighty, you’re playing an active role in seeking help. Applaud yourself for your bravery, and for taking these important and necessary steps towards personal growth.