What I Discovered When I Let Go of My Eating Disorder

Recovery from an eating disorder is possible. It really is.

It takes time, it takes commitment and it takes a group of friends and professionals to support you. It takes a supportive network to encourage you. I am so grateful for my support network. I really am.

At first, I did not believe recovery was possible at all. I refused to believe it. I did not have any belief that I would recover. This was where I was at.

It took me a long time to realize the eating disorder was controlling me. The eating disorder was making all the rules I needed to follow.

My eating disorder was all I knew. It comforted me, it encouraged me and I was so “good” at being the girl with an eating disorder. I excelled at it.

I don’t know where you are in your eating disorder, but I strongly believe that recovery is possible. I want to encourage you and support you that recovery is possible.

I do have to admit that when I was first admitted to the hospital, I actually thought I would recover in a week. Really: a week. My recovery journey was going to take time.  It took two admissions to hospital for me to fully understand that I wanted to recover, that I needed to recover.

I thought, “If I let go of my eating disorder, who will I be? What will I do? Who am I? What will my life be?”

I am being real here and saying that recovery took time; it was not an overnight process. It was a minute-by-minute process, a day-by-day work-in-progress. It was every day, waking up and challenging the eating disorder. It was doing the opposite of what I would usually do. Believe me, this was difficult and challenging, but I needed to do this as part of my recovery.

When I came out of hospital the second time, I didn’t go back to work straight away. I spent time investing in myself.

Since letting the eating disorder go, I have discovered that:

• I have value.
• I am worthy.
• I am able to give back and help others who are journeying through an eating disorder.
• I have been able to mentor others going through an eating disorder.
• I have empathy with others going through an eating disorder.
• I am excited to try new things.
• I am creative.
• I love writing.
• I am passionate about encouraging women and girls about who they really are.
• I love singing.

Also:

• I went to open-mic nights and sang.
• I have a new career as a primary school chaplain. I love my career; it is the best job ever.
• I have a blog where I encourage others.
• I have spoken about my journey.
• I went on an impact trip to Bali, visited about seven orphanages and held out in the orphanages.

I love all the opportunities I have been able to experience. Since letting go of the eating disorder, I have been on such an amazing journey. My life has expanded and is so full.

When I let go of my eating disorder, I discovered who I am.