What I Discovered When I Let Go of My Eating Disorder
If you live with an eating disorder, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “NEDA” to 741741.
Recovery from an eating disorder is possible. It really is.
It takes time, it takes commitment and it takes a group of friends and professionals to support you. It takes a supportive network to encourage you. I am so grateful for my support network. I really am.
At first, I did not believe recovery was possible at all. I refused to believe it. I did not have any belief that I would recover. This was where I was at.
It took me a long time to realize the eating disorder was controlling me. The eating disorder was making all the rules I needed to follow.
My eating disorder was all I knew. It comforted me, it encouraged me and I was so “good” at being the girl with an eating disorder. I excelled at it.
I don’t know where you are in your eating disorder, but I strongly believe that recovery is possible. I want to encourage you and support you that recovery is possible.
I do have to admit that when I was first admitted to the hospital, I actually thought I would recover in a week. Really: a week. My recovery journey was going to take time. It took two admissions to hospital for me to fully understand that I wanted to recover, that I needed to recover.
I thought, “If I let go of my eating disorder, who will I be? What will I do? Who am I? What will my life be?”
I am being real here and saying that recovery took time; it was not an overnight process. It was a minute-by-minute process, a day-by-day work-in-progress. It was every day, waking up and challenging the eating disorder. It was doing the opposite of what I would usually do. Believe me, this was difficult and challenging, but I needed to do this as part of my recovery.
When I came out of hospital the second time, I didn’t go back to work straight away. I spent time investing in myself.
Since letting the eating disorder go, I have discovered that:
- I have value.
- I am worthy.
- I am able to give back and help others who are journeying through an eating disorder.
- I have been able to mentor others going through an eating disorder.
- I have empathy with others going through an eating disorder.
- I am excited to try new things.
- I am creative.
- I love writing.
- I am passionate about encouraging women and girls about who they really are.
- I love singing.
- I went to open-mic nights and sang.
- I have a new career as a primary school chaplain. I love my career; it is the best job ever.
- I have a blog where I encourage others.
- I have spoken about my journey.
- I went on an impact trip to Bali, visited about seven orphanages and held out in the orphanages.
I love all the opportunities I have been able to experience. Since letting go of the eating disorder, I have been on such an amazing journey. My life has expanded and is so full.
When I let go of my eating disorder, I discovered who I am.
Photo by Kristin Wilson on Unsplash