What I Want You To Know If Chronic Illness Has Stolen Your Hope

Has your diagnosis stolen your hope? Has your hope for a better day withered away? If so, you are not alone.

There was a time in my life when I felt utterly hopeless. I received a devastating diagnosis when I was 19 years old. Three letters and a damn + sign changed my life forever, and it continues to feed my determination. A strong determination to live.

As a writer, I am always brainstorming and researching ways of improving or honing the craft. What I’ve found is that most experts, the great writers of yesterday and today, say that reading will enhance your writing. They also encourage you to write and over time it will get better. Life with multiple health conditions challenges both of those actions. Are you familiar with the term, “brain fog?” If you are, then you already know the struggle is real. I might as well stop right here, right now. But, in the earlier paragraph, I stated how determined I am, right? Yup, I sure did!

So, I try to read as much as I can, mostly blog pages and articles and I try to write whenever my neuropathy-stricken fingers allow. If you’re wondering what I write about, let’s take a look at that first paragraph again. I mentioned a three-letter diagnosis and a damn + sign; I write about life with HIV. Truthfully, I write about living with chronic illness and I try to be inspiring and hopeful. Hope? Yes, there’s hope again — hope that I had to search for inside of myself because the external world around me displayed something different. The doctor’s visits, lab tests, test results, medications, nutrition; the list goes on and on. Life with chronic health conditions plays out in many ways for us that live with them. We are all different when it comes to our bodies coping with illness.

I’ve even written books that mirror what it was like being diagnosed at 19-years-old with HIV and having a baby just months before. Book two is about what life may have looked like for the daughter in the story. Two books I never would have imagined writing until I did. A third is in the works. Yay!

My point is, when you’ve lost all hope for whatever reason, don’t give up; search within, and that’s where you’ll find it. The outside world may disappoint but the inner core of your being will lead you to the right place, though, it’s a rocky road to tread. But, if you’re anything like I once was, hopelessly living with chronic health conditions or mental health challenges, then you’re a warrior surviving the unpredictable life where a diagnosis stole your hope.

Here’s a poem I wrote quite some time ago and I’d like to share it with you:

Hungry for Hope

Desperate to find love

One of an unconditional nature

No stipulations, no judgments, no future parting of ways

An uplifting spirit would be nice

Lay with me. Hold me. Touch me.

Be gentle for I am fragile

Be understanding for I am complex

Listen. Strengthen. Accept and receive me.

I will give all I have to find you

I’m searching for you. Hope, where are you? Hope, are you there?

Flooded by invisible tears

Captured by heightened fears

No one to see me

No one for me to be

Alone. Weak. Hungry for you.

Where are you? Hope, are you there?

If I had just a little, I promise to make the best

Show me just a little, I promise to do the rest

Hope, where are you? Hope, are you there?

Let me know what hope looks like for you. For me, hope looks like I got this. I know at times life can look bleak and I make no assumptions about your life. I hope my poem leads you to many hopeful days.

Stay Mighty!