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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is Debido1969. I'm here because after a 15 year (one-sided monogamous heterosexual) relationship filled w/emotional & mental cruelty, I became VERY sick & ended up hospitalized for over 2 weeks. I was eventually diagnosed w/HIV that caused multiple illnesses requiring hospitalization. That turned out to be the “good news” because subsequently, after being sexually inactive (now for 5 years), I was also diagnosed w/syphillis, which wasn’t caught upon my initial diagnosis- & due to the undiagnosed condition, I suffered a medication lapse for my HIV, which caused my body to do all sorts of crazy things, & being a new HIV patient, I accepted these symptoms as a “normal” result of unmediated HIV, & once returned to the proper medication, the symptoms gradually, but not entirely subsided… (still w/undiagnosed syphilis). I had to relocate to free myself from the damaging relationship, 2000 miles away to Huntsville, AL, where I was retested as protocol for finding ongoing HIV care. They gave me the surprising news about the undiagnosed syphilis, & I began researching how it was missed upon my previous testing, which led me to read about new research regarding the “highly under-diagnosed condition ‘Ocular Syphilis’. When I read the list of symptoms a huge lightbulb went on for me- it described ALL of my crazy symptoms experienced while unprotected by my HIV medication… I was happy to know that I could be treated for these ongoing issues until I spent the last 4 years being told that’s NOT what I have by all of the specialists (not HIV specialists, but symptomatic specialists, like Opthamologists, etc), & dismissed out-of-hand telling its old age, etc, without even looking at my medical history. I was treated successfully for the “regular” syphilis, but I cannot find any doctor that has the “power” to order tests to even look at my history & textbook symptoms. My HIV doctors believe in my condition but are powerless to order the tests or treatment to stop the progression of the complications of syphilis, which need a far higher dosage of antibiotics to cure. I know I fell through a weird crack, but I have a 13 year old child to support & my vision & range of motion are deteriorating (at a slower pace since my immune system is rebooted), but I am scared to death because I know I for all of the criteria for this complication of syphilis, but no one can or will help me get the treatment I need. I feel like I am crazy every time I try to explain my circumstances to another doctor. They may not be aware of the prevalence of this condition, as they don’t specialize in STI’s, but neither do I & the research make sense to me , especially because I am experiencing it firsthand. All I want is to provide for myself & my son & hopefully be around (& not blind or crazy), for as long as possible for him. He lost his dad to a life choice that does not include my son, or even supporting my son. WE NEED HELP. PLEASE.😢

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I AM SENSITIVE CONTENT

Who decides what is sensitive #censure

Some time ago here, in the MIGHTY , my normal regular picture, almost headset, it shows black and it says: WARNING, THIS PICTURE MIGHT CONTAIN SENSITIVE CONTENT.

WHAT? Is AI, or THE MIGHTY , talking about the picture or me?

If anything, OK, I am sensitive content.

I am dangerous, because I speak up, and I am an advocate and an activist, and REPRESENTING means a lot to me.

I AM SENSITIVE, because as an empath, I try my best to listen, but also to feel what you are going through, and what my community is going through.

I AM LOUD, I AM LIGHT, I AM MANY COLORS, I AM A LATINO/X/E, I AM AN IMMIGRANT who came to this country with no LEGAL papers, I AM A GAY MAN, who has many shades and it has not been an angel.

I AM A SURVIVOR, 38 years living/dying with HIV, 12 years CANCER survivor, living with CHRONIC PAIN.

I AM, YES< an expression of an AY AY AY AY, because my pain is always there, and even pain has a cultural connotation.

I AM FREE, but ALWAYS a SLAVE of my journey, trying to be always a GOOD BOY.

I AM EXPRESSIVE, when I have sex, and when I feel the rain and the wind over my face and body.

I AM YOURS, if you want to hear my story as part of the HUMAN LIBRARY.

I AM...who you think I AM, but also many other faces that had been part of your experience and your family's experiences.

I AM, a DREAM, A HOPE, A THORN and SEED.

LOVE YOU....because I'm sending you healing energy, and I know you might feel me, and I might give you a smile.

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What are we celebrating?! (MARCH)

national developmental disabilities month
Women’s history
National MS Education and Awareness Month
March 1-31: Alport Awareness Month March 1-31: Brain Injury Awareness Month
March 1-31: Brain Tumor Awareness Month (UK only)
March 1-31: Deep-Vein Thrombosis Awareness Month
March 1-31: Malignant Hyperthermia Awareness Month
March 1-31: Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month
March 1-31: Myeloma Action Month
March 1-31: National Bleeding Disorders Awareness Month
March 1-31: National Cheerleading Safety Month
March 1-31: National Colorectal Cancers Awareness Month
March 1-31: National Endometriosis Awareness Month
March 1-31: National Kidney Month
March 1-31: National Nutrition Month
March 1-31: Problem Gambling Awareness Month
March 1-31: Save Your Vision Month
March 1-31: Trisomy Awareness Month
March 1-31: Workplace Eye Wellness Month
March 1-6: National Aplastic Anemia & MDS Awareness Week
March 2: World Teen Mental Wellness Day
March 3: World Birth Defects Day
March 3: World Hearing Day
March 4: HPV Awareness Day
March 4: World Obesity Day
March 5: Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day
March 7: National Hospitalist Day
March 10: National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
March 10-16: Patient Safety Awareness Week
March 10-16: Pulmonary Rehabilitation Week
March 10-16: Sleep Awareness Week
March 11-17: Brain Awareness Week
March 14: World Kidney Day
March 15: World Sleep Day
March 17-23: National Poison Prevention Week
March 18-24: National Drug and Alcohol Facts Week
March 20: National Native American HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
March 20: World Oral Health Day
March 21: World Down Syndrome Day
March 24: World Tuberculosis Day
March 26: Epilepsy Awareness – Purple Day
March 26: American Diabetes Alert Day
March 30: National Doctors’ Day
March 30: World Bipolar Day
March 17: Saint Patrick’s Day
March: autoimmune diseases awareness month

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Feeling broken? Only seeing your flaws? Sometimes those things we feel are flaws are actually what makes us unique, special and extraordinary!

I can get caught in that awful loop of beating myself up, only seeing my flaws, only recognizing things I haven’t done instead of giving myself credit for things I have done, getting stuck in self judgment, only seeming to hear my inner critic’s voice, I can lose all my self confidence, let my self esteem dip and things can look pretty bleak.

Over time more and more I have been able to catch this in the moment, pause, breathe, re-set, and then be gentle with myself and allow myself to shift my energy. I can then take first steps towards better self care…and reverse that repetitive loop, replace it with self respect and start to believe in myself! One situation at a time, I’m getting better … and every time I succeed it can get a little easier the next time. I can see that I have grown along my path and although it can be very hard for me to accept, there is unique beauty to the journey I have been on. I am not broken - I am strong - I have been accepting my flaws and see that as I have picked myself up over and over I have filled myself with gold!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I find doing a gratitude list can help. A while back it was recommended I process a gratitude list every morning. I like to think of my blessings: roof over my head and food on the table; a car that runs and being able to afford insurance & gas for it; MY HEALTH…here I go through all my 5 senses thankful they all work, touch and feel my legs that didn’t at one point and give thanks that parts of me are healing but by bit ! I give thanks for my whole support network: great doctors & health providers, my friends, and my family!!! I find after doing this I start off the day feeling much better about myself!

What is on your gratitude list?

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selflove #Selfcare #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #COVID19 #Parkinsonism #Concussion #BrainInjury #Migraine #Headache #BackPain #neckpain #PhysicalTherapy #HIVAIDS #PTSD #Stigma #PeripheralNeuropathy #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe

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I enjoy watching sports, which can be a distraction from my health challenges. Are there sports, shows you binge watch, or movies that help you too?

Being passionate about sports is a trait my Dad passed on and instilled in me from an early age, and watching and talking about them together was a very bonding experience we had that built over the years. When I was young I was very blessed and had the opportunity to attend a lot of games with him live: football & basketball, some baseball & hockey games, and we even went to Indianapolis for the Indy 500 races twice. His father had taken him to the big race a few times too and to many other games when he was a child, which I think had the same impact on him!

I was never a good athlete, but under his tutelage I became very interested in drama and intrigue with sports and began to understand, appreciate and enjoy all the nuances of the games: teams - their players & coaches, stats, and strengths & weaknesses; types of plays; strategies; the history of the sports; … and I adapted Dad’s favorite teams & players and we followed them very passionately, intently and took the games very seriously. To this day I can get depressed after a game my team loses, and as a kid I’d pout and be in a really bad mood, often for days.

We watched games and followed our teams, not just the games, but almost every day, as we even fought for who got the Sports page first! His excitement, curiosity and dedication were contagious.

As I got older and I moved away to other places I made the “pilgrimage” up to two hours every Sunday to watch football with Dad & on Memorial Weekend went to watch the Indy 500 with him almost every year. We didn’t even miss a minute of games, with Mom being part host, part cook & part waitress … bringing us big homemade deli sandwiches, her legendary guacamole, and yummy desserts she baked. Then during commercials sometimes we would both sprint to different bathrooms for a break, rushing so as not to miss a second of the games!

However, I recently realized I have actually tried to avoid watching big games there since he passed away. I just admitted to myself that over 3 years after he died it still can be emotional watching games in the room where we watched events together. It can be a sad & empty feeling🥲 The first games I watched without him there soon after he died were some of the few things that triggered me to cry when I wasn't processing things well yet. When I sat there in my familiar chair and our team scored I would turn to high five him and saw the empty chair he always sat on next to me and suddenly deeply felt his absence… It was one of the first ways I truly realized he wouldn’t be there to share experiences with me (physically) anymore. It hit me hard. The first time I watched a game without him I completely broke down in tears which was the strongest emotion I had experienced since he died to that point.

I realized that sharing sports with him was so much more than the games, it was something we shared together in almost a ritual format for decades, and looking back I remember how much I always looked forward to being with him for each coming game. So I still am deeply invested and tuned into sporting events and that focus can help me to take a break from pain, depression, anxiety, fear & worry. It’s all I think about for that 2 ½-3 hours, sometimes longer.

🏀🏈⚾️⚽️🏒⚽️⚾️🏈🏀

Do any of you take comfort, find refuge, a healthy escape and/or a distraction in watching sports? Or are there other things you enjoy watching like binging episodes of your favorite show? Or watching a movie trilogy over and over? Or watching thrillers that keep you on the edge of your seat, or action or drama movies that take your complete focus like tunnel vision? Or do you enjoy watching nature, animal or history channels? Was sharing them with family a part of your childhood?

What engrosses & entertains you the most? How do these affect your energy and emotions when you watch them? Do you find it a much needed window away from thinking about your health challenges like I do?

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #LossOfAParent #Grief #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selfcare #BipolarDisorder #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #HIVAIDS #PTSD #Stigma #BrainInjury #Concussion #BackPain #neckpain #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe


@texassonrisa
@sparklywartanks

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I am thinking about putting together a zoom group for this MHC community on New Years Eve! We could all be together at midnight… Is anyone interested?

Recent years I have spent the night alone at home, sometimes watching the ball drop and seeing everybody celebrate together which has made me depressed, feel lonely and wishing my physical limitations didn't limit me so much! I am actually in great spirits recentky with parts of my body feeling better! yet I am aware that it might be a tough night for me. Has anyone else been thinking about this? Had this experience in the past too? I think those of us with physical limitations can have these feelings at least some of the time…does that sound familiar?

It would be a closed group with password only offered here directly to members of the group (and MHC FB group) so people can feel safe…we can chat, check in, share stories, even have a meal together (I've done this on zoom dates where we both got the same food! You can’t share apps through the screen😉 but it was a cool experience)

All that said I don’t have a zoom account and have never set up a zoom group…I am not sure if you need one, but if anyone out there can help me with this I would at least go on myself and see who joins me! We could RSVP or just show up, it could be for just 11:00-midnight, or longer and people could just drop in. I plan on smudging my apartment and doing divination readings for the new year…I have done groups where we all lit a candle or burned sage …which is a cool connection.

The idea of a group zoom just hit me yesterday and it seemed like it could be nice for some of us to connect and support each other as it can be a tough holiday for many of us! I am totally open to any suggestions of structure, things to do together, what time window works for people etc and it would really help if someone interested could set up the zoom. I know it’s very last minute but if it doesn’t work I would love to offer one every month or two (maybe on the full moon?!?)

Please tell me what you think of this, if you are interested and if you are technical and can set up things please DM me one-on-one so we don’t have to discuss it back and forth here!)

I know The Mighty had started things called Rooms awhile ago, but I gavent heard about these happening recently, and don’t know if they are still available to do, and I also think there is a way to at least do a group chat which would easier to set up…but i woukd really love to see and hear people, of course you coukd also keep your camera off! I am kind of excited that this could work, even if it’s just a handful of us!

Please chime in about the zoom with your thoughts, interests, and what you think it would “look like” that is best for you…hope to hear from many of you…

In service,
Moshe

You can email me at Justmemoshe@gmail.com

or message me through Facebook where I am Moshe Mark Adler,

I won’t put my phone here but would offer it in a DM if calls or texts work better for you…all that said if nothing else I know how to start a group text so that would be a last option but less “intimate.” I think I could figure out how to do a conference call so we could also do a phone “meeting”.

Just thinking out loud about this and was curious if it might interest others…

I am completely open to brainstorming here together as a group…

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #HIVAIDS #COVID19 #Migraine #MightyTogether #IfYouFeelHopeless #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe

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