Mamas, It’s OK to Feel What We Are Feeling
A friend describes her son’s graduation to the cancer survivor’s clinic. She’s ecstatic that he’s made it. She’s devastated for those who haven’t. She’s embarrassed to be sobbing on a day for celebration.
An acquaintance describes her time in the local children’s hospital. Her heart breaks as the life she’s imagined for her son fades. Her son will thrive, but he will have to live in the hospital for six months to earn it. She feels shallow to be grieving. Is she ungrateful?
A fellow cystic fibrosis mama and dear friend describes her pandemic experience. “It’s like the world has pooped on my parade,” she says. Two weeks before COVID-19 became commonplace, her kids started a CF therapy proven to transform lives. The celebration, 11 years in the making, was short-lived. Was she wrong to feel loss?
My daughter chatters upstairs, happy though stuffy. Her bloodstream courses with meds. I roll my eyes at my phone. Six days is a long time to wait for a COVID test. And yet, my daughter will get one. With seven years of respiratory infections under our belt, we know what to look for. I am calm. Until I’m not. Am I treating this too lightly? Should I revert to rumination?
Ugh, Mamas. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we beat and batter and bruise ourselves because of the way we feel? Why do we second-guess our intuition? Stifle our emotions? Convince ourselves that other mothers are doing it differently? Better? More easily?
As parents of children with medical, developmental, or behavioral health care needs, we should be trusting ourselves fully. Our brains are full of information. Our hearts are bursting with love. Our determination is steely, and our commitment to doing whatever it takes unwavering. We have done the work. We show up every day. And because of that, we have earned the right to trust our intuition. To feel what we feel. To know that no emotion is wrong if it comes from the heart.
As my friend recounted her son’s indoctrination into the cancer survivor’s clinic, she paused. “I wish someone had told me that it was OK to feel what I was feeling.”
Mamas, the permission is ours to give. We are brave, scared, hopeful, grieving, joyful, proud, and real. We love and are loved. And it’s OK to feel what we are feeling.
Photo submitted by contributor.
I am the mother of an amazing little girl who lives with cystic fibrosis. I am also the Founder of Paint Her in Color, a website that supports emotional well-being in parents of children with special health care needs. At Paint Her in Color, we know that our children aren’t defined by their medical, developmental, or behavioral health care needs. Their lives burst with vibrancy. And like all children, they should be celebrated for their hopes, their dreams, and all the colors of their personalities. Since 2019, more than 16,000 parents from 80 countries have come to Paint Her in Color for personal stories, trusted tips, and emotional support resources.
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