Cancer

A couple of years ago I shared my recovery story on a different platform called This Is My Brave. I discussed how a little kindness and some sage words of advice from their co-founder Jennifer Marshall had changed my life. I compared our upbringings and my struggle with medication compliance and how we were both over-achievers. What I didn’t share was that we live with the same diagnosis; bipolar disorder and that I had at first struggled with the stigma I may face about going public with my diagnosis.

This is where my story continues. When I hit send on my first submission I was terrified. I mentioned the various bouts of depression I had faced over the years but didn’t go into detail as to how those episodes had occurred after a hypomanic or manic episode. I was afraid to share about the other side of my illness. I already had experienced stigma associated with sharing my experiences with depression so sharing that you have what is considered a serious mental illness was off limits in my head. I continued to follow Jennifer’s work. I followed her ups and downs. I reached out again to Jennifer in the midst of a very difficult time and again she made sure to reply and tell me to stay the course and that the work I was doing was important. What Jen didn’t know was that her words kept me afloat during the darkest of days. In a two year span I had a cancer scare (possible lymphoma) and a manic episode following the lymph node dissection.

Again in the aftermath of my manic episode I clung to the words she had shared with me so many years before, “It takes time though, so try to give yourself some grace in the learning process.” I did as l had been advised. I took a step back from work and gave myself the time and grace to heal.

This time around I not only had Jen’s words in my head I had a supportive partner. In the midst of the chaos of physical and mental illness I met the most amazing man who held my broken pieces and helped me put them back together. As Jen always says stories save lives and her courage and honesty in sharing her story inspires me to keep telling mine. Our shared diagnosis and belief in the power of a story once again help me to find peace and healing. This time I am sharing it with The Mighty’s community who have been another life raft for me through my latest manic episode and subsequent depression.

I am 24 years old. I have had depression most of my life. It really became severe when my mom passed away earlier this year. She died expectedly two months before my wedding. I hadn’t seen her in almost 3 years. Last time was summer 2019. I was supposed to visit in 2020 but COVID happened. She also had cancer at the time so my whole family was very cautious about social distancing from her until doctors said she no longer has cancer. I was so happy to hear that but then a week later she died from something else and it broke me completely. I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder as well. My anger is sometimes uncontrollable. I unintentionally get mad for dumb reasons and my husband tries so hard to make me happy. I also am unemployed and looking for work since a year of graduating masters.
I am very depressed now and feel useless like I have no purpose. I wanted to get a dog but my past experience scarred me. We had gotten one a few weeks after my mom passed and honeslty it was a mistake because I couldn’t even get out of bed to care for it. My husband would go to work and only be home in the evenings. We surrendered the dog back to the shelter we adopted it from. I felt so guilty (still do) but it is a no kill shelter and he got adopted again within a few weeks.
Now that I have been able to get out of bed for the last couple of months I have been trying to adopt another dog. I have taken care of my in laws dogs for a while in between to help them out and my husband said I was really happy when we had the dog around. I am wanting to adopt again but will do so after traveling. Thing is, it has been hard finding the right dog. My husband doesn’t want a high energy dog or puppy.
I was also thinking of traveling locally to maybe Colorado or somewhere to get some peace of mind and escape the everyday life where I hardly leave the house.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t want to feel this way. Any advice will help. Thank you for reading
#BipolarDepression #Depression #tired

How did you know something was wrong and how did you know what questions to ask your doctor?

(For context, I am in my mid-thirties.)

15 years ago, I was working a heavy janitorial job one summer and I developed serious pain in my hands and wrists. It was so bad that my hands were screaming if I just tried to grip a zipper and zip up a hoodie, for example. I tried physio therapy, but it made a minimal effect. Then that same summer I was in a car accident and got soft tissue damage to my left thumb and wrist. It took nearly seven years for that to more or less get back to normal. Even now, if I knead bread, chop a lot of veggies, scrub the bathtub, etc. both my hands feel stiff and sore the next day.

I first started to notice some knee and hip stiffness 5 years ago. Nothing major - just couldn't comfortably sit with crossed legs (crisscross applesauce) on the floor anymore. Since 2014, I have also been having some difficulty with swelling in my feet, ankles, and lower legs during (mostly) long flights or bus journeys. Now, the swelling happens within just a couple hours in a car or if I am on my feet in the kitchen for more than three hours. I think I have some permanent swelling at the top of my knees, too.

Last night, I spent an hour catching up on washing dishes, and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I know people say that when you hit your thirties, your body starts breaking down, but this can't be normal.

Both my parents have arthritis and my paternal great aunt had multiple sclerosis. There is also a lot of cancer (many different kinds) within my family, including immediate family members.

In October, I convinced my doctor to requisition a blood test and he did an "autoimmune panel", but he hasn't followed up. One of the values was slightly out of range, but, knowing him, he would probably just dismiss it. I get such bad anxiety doing phone appointments with him that I certainly don't want to call and ask him to follow up.

So. Should I be concerned? Is this just normal body-falling-apart-in-my-thirties?

#Undiagnosed #Adviceplease #Arthritis #MultipleSclerosis #JointStiffness #Diagnosis #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder