Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)

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    Work Discrimination-How to Cope?

    I never thought I’d be here. Not in a million years. I’ve worked 18 years in my industry. Sacrificed so much for my career. Being 41, without a partner or kids I’ve devoted my life to my work.

    At my job, I’ve been called a retard/moron and an affirmative action hire by my supervisor. None is true. My work was then rebranded and claimed as his and I was left out of important meetings. I was told that if I could not “rise up and get over my disability” that I did not deserve to serve the military as a defense contractor. At the time my medications were on back order during COVID and I could not medicate.

    I told him that I was not some veteran who has shrapnel in his body like he was, who courageously rose above his unfortunate incident. I explained that MS is the demyelinating of my nerves and without medication I can’t perform my duties. I then reported his statements and actions to my superintendent, who required proof. I could not audio or video record anyone working on a classified project. So I ultimately had no proof. My accusations were dismissed as a he said/she said incident. I thought the easiest way to resolve my circumstance was to find a new job and started putting in applications. I did not expect to be fired from my job within a month for not meeting company expectations.

    I’ve had four interviews in the six months since I lost my job. None successful. I’ve never had such a hard time finding a job with my skill set and job experience. I was told it was a workers market. And I’m still collecting unemployment. The state checks don’t cover all my medical bills since my compounded medications cost $1500 every two months and they are not covered by insurance. My money saved is running out.

    I moved here from across the country to a job that was defunded within two years. The work environment became cut throat and I was sacrificed when my supervisor claimed my work as his.

    Living with ASD and ADHD, and as a sexual assault survivor I don’t know how to cope. I’ve been robed of my employment and annexed from my local industry. My identity was in part my job and skill set. I’ve worked and lived all over the world. But live alone now without immediate family or close friends. I cannot claim disability. Who does this mean I am now?

    For the last two and a half years my medical team and I have searched for the cause of my random and bizarre symptoms finally arriving at a Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis. My balance, loss of mobility in my hands, loss of sensory perception in my extremities, my vision disturbances, sudden occurrence of cluster headaches, lethargy, stabbing pains all point to MS. I have one positive MRI with lesions in the white matter, just waiting on another MRI and a spinal tap to confirm my condition. My health continues to deteriorate as I’ve waited 6 months for my neurologist appointment, three more to go. I hope potential medications for MS will change the quality of my life.

    Yet how do I accept that 18 dedicated years of my life for my industry are now gone simply because of a health condition and job discrimination? How do I continue to job search? What jobs can I actually perform? Who would want to hire a disabled person with medical needs? I would need a flexible schedule for doctor appointments.

    I cannot find a new place to live while living on unemployment. Everyone wants an income 3 times the rent. Being on unemployment, I do not qualify for food assistance, utility assistance, or housing assistance through my state because I have too much income. The wait list for section 8 housing is over 4 years long in my state. Out of options, I just renewed my lease for another year with a rent hike. My property manager knows thatI live with a leaking roof, in a building that doesn’t have insulated windows or walls. We have flooding issues so on the second floor I contend with mice and ants, along with broken appliances that rarely get fixed. How did this become my life?

    I’ve decided to go back to school for a masters degree with the hopes that an advanced degree will help me to remain competitive within my industry. This will take valuable time and all my remaining resources, but I feel that I am out of other options. If all goes well I will graduate in a year and a half.

    To stay busy I strive to do rare disease advocacy work knowing my experience is one of millions who have also lost their employment, families, life savings, and home due to a diagnosis. I like them, are so angry and lost like a kite cut loose in a hurricane. So I try to stay busy and not focus on my own life, but late at night there is nothing else to think of. How do I cope with this? How do I let go of this seething anger festering within me? Who am I beyond this shell of a broken body? What future do I have to look forward to?

    All I can do is continue to wait for a Neurology appointment, hope for an official diagnosis so I can start medications and pray to get my life back. What if I don’t. What if this is my new reality?

    -Lost

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    I’m Still Here

    Lately I’ve been sluggish, and it’s more than just recovering from Covid. May is a heavy month, full of painful anniversaries. It’s also a month of release, when my workload decreases and I can relax somewhat. It’s the start of a time for reflection, re-evaluation, reenenergizing, and renewal of hope. Sometimes I wake up and the fact that I’m still here is overwhelming. It’s my duty to myself and everyone around me to turn that around. I’m still here, and the question I need to ask myself every morning is, “What good will I do with this day?”

    #HumanTrafficking #Torture #Abuse #FearOfAbandonment #Shame #PTSD #CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Survivor #Fibromyalgia #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease

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    Part time?

    Being a 22 year old nurse running my own unit is hard by itself. Add on my diagnosis' and it's a struggle. 48 hour weeks all in 12 hour shifts really takes it's toll.

    I started struggling with joint pain when I was about 15, my GP told me it was just tendonitis from playing hockey and obviously I believed him. But then the pain got worse and spread to my entire body. 6 years later on the day before my 21st birthday I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia so happy birthday to me right! Anyways I went into my final year of nursing loving what I was learning to do. In April of 2020, pre diagnosis, I lost my nanny very suddenly to Covid which in due course caused a major flare up (Fibro flare ups are usually caused by stress and trauma).This for me was the beginning of the downward stretch I've been on lately.

    In May 2020 I was admitted to hospital with intense abdominal pain which they thought was my appendix getting ready to burst but it was actually an ovarian cyst. I was referred to gynaecology and sent on my way. March 2022 I was officially diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, another chronic illness. I also found out I have IBS which isn't unusual with PCOS

    The pain of the pair of them I can deal with but knowing that at 22 these pains will never go away is really hard. I struggle to do normal things on my days off because work drains me physically and emotionally, I have to pretend my depression isn't beating me with a bat and my anxiety isn't sending my brain on a 10k sprint every second. Masking isn't spoken about enough. I mask every day to colleagues, friends and my parents. The one person I didn't mask around isn't in my life anymore and I've gotten over that (trust me, I'm better off).

    So I may have gotten really overwhelmed by everything life is hurling at my head lately and had an anxiety attack in work and spilled everything to my boss. She encouraged me to think about moving to part time work for a few months, to give my body time to heal and get stronger because it hasn't had a chance to do that since I started college. I have no major bills to pay, no kids to pay for and realistically can afford to work part time. I'm just conflicted whether or not I should. Sometimes I try to ignore that I have a disability and try to be a normal 22 year old but my body quickly reminds me that I'm not. Basically I have no idea what to do. My gut is telling me to go part time and work on myself but my brain is telling me to keep working, a bit of rest isn't gonna cure me.

    I've been told I take myself too seriously but if I don't I think I might just break. Life is hard man, really hard.#Fibromyalgia #PCOS #IBS #help

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    Nowhere to go from here

    My wife just blew up at me. We need to communicate better, she said. She has a habit of telling me what negative thoughts I am thinking and feeling, and then adding, "well am I wrong?" to it. This is years in the making. Essentially, it happens when she asks me a question or tells me about something, and my tone of voice sounds negative to her, or my face or body language looks negative.

    I have chronic pain as well as deep depression, so it is difficult for me to convincingly put on a happy face, or speak with joy in my voice. But I do try my best to speak in neutral tones at the very least, and I have thought that I have a resting face of a neutral mood or higher as much as possible.

    It has been building for a long time. I am struck out of the blue most times when she tells me what I am thinking, and how unfair that is, and paints me as the bad guy and her as the innocent one. In the early days, it would just shock me, and sometimes confuse me. In the last couple of years, it just makes me angry and defensive. We've had plenty of arguments about it, but no agreement. She doesn't see it as mind reading because she says "I 'feel like' you were disgusted by what I just said, and you shouldn't be", or "I 'feel' that you think I'm stupid just because I did X, or Y". She says since she uses the word "feel", she isn't mind reading, and so it's up to me to tell her if she's right or wrong. Well, I have been telling her she's wrong for over 40 years now, and that only makes her angry and defensive. I told her time and again that I get mad when people try to read my mind and put words into my mouth. I tell her to skip saying the part about what she is so sure that I am thinking, and just ASK ME what I am thinking, instead. Ninety percent of the time, I am not only NOT thinking what she thinks I am, but I am thinking about some other subject altogether. Then when she accuses me of thinking some negative thing, it hits me out of the blue, and I register it as an insult. I asked her why she can't just ASK me what I am thinking, or ask me how I am feeling. I would welcome both of those if they were honest questions. I would feel like I was cared about. That makes perfect sense to me, but she doesn't see it that way. She says that she's just being honest, and that she IS asking me how I feel, or what I am thinking, when she tells me what she feels like I am thinking. We can't get past that. So she got louder and more accusatory, and then angrily walked out.

    I don't know what to do. I am battling Major Depressive Disorder, CPTSD, Anxiety, ADHD and severe Chronic Pain. I am doing the very best that I can. I am on disability, and I fill my days and evenings reading books on my various diagnoses, learning as much as I can, so that I can better control, or adapt, or adjust to the reality of my life, and I do feel good about that. I have tried to share some of this with her, both verbally, and by sharing articles with her via email. She seems stand-offish about it, at best. When I ask her outright if she wants to learn more, she swears she does, but she has a life, therefore she just doesn't have the time or energy to read much about it. I told her a few minutes ago that I will stop burdening her with it, and will stop sending her articles and such. She rebuffed that idea, but added again that she just doesn't have the time. She said she is doing the best that she can in trying to deal with all my problems, and she doesn't have the energy or the will to do it any more. She's "had it."

    She came back and brought up another time recently that I was unreasonable, saying that she had told me something about her job, and I had reacted with sarcasm and disgust. I remember it well. It was just the opposite. She told me that her employer was giving $50 bonuses to anyone who got a Covid booster shot, and I responded "wow, that must be nice. Go ahead and do that." She and I both agree that that's all that I said. But she says I was being sarcastic, and spit the words out like venom, and I thought it was disgusting. I remember calmly saying those words, genuinely happy for her to get $50 just for getting a shot that we both were going to get anyway. The difference, more than likely, was the fact that during the time that she was unwinding after work and telling me bonus, as well as about the rest of her day, I was in a pit of depression, and I was in a ton of physical pain from my legs and my back. I know that had to have affected the tone of my voice, the look on my face, and my body language. But I don't talk about the pain, because it would sound whiney and redundant. I was just sitting there listening to her, and I thought I answered appropriately and honestly. Anyway, that night, after I had answered her, she responded by telling me what (she believed) I was thinking and feeling, and she wanted to know what my response was. My response was "that's not an argument I am willing to have right now." To me, I was angry that "it" was happening again, and I could argue about it like so many times before, or I could choose not to. I chose not to argue. To her, I had just insulted her, and said she isn't worth arguing with, and since I had not argued, then what she had thought about me must indeed be true.

    If (and when) she "reads my mind" again, and assigns various negative thoughts and feelings to me, we could bypass all of this trouble if she could just hold those 'mind-read thoughts' inside, and just ask me two simple questions, instead. First, "how are you feeling?" And second, "what are you tinking." I will gladly and honestly answer her. But I just can't take any more veritable accusations for thinking and feeling certain ways, and then be expected to explain or defend myself, meanwhile letting it roll off me like water off of a duck's back. It's not an argument I'm having anymore.

    Thanks for listening.
    ♧♧♧

    #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #CPTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #ADHD #Autism #BodyFocusedRepetitiveBehaviors #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #AutismSpectrumDisorders #TreatmentresistantDepression #TRD #ASD #anhedonia #ChronicDepression #ChronicPain #SpinalStenosis #GAD #Sadness #CombinedPresentationADHD #SmilingDepression #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disability #MentalHealth #Insomnia #DiabetesType2 #Diabetes #Asthma #Hypertension #Hypervigilance #nerveandjointpain #HearingLoss #Grief #generationaltrauma #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #TraumaRecovery #Trauma #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #MedicalTrauma #IntergenerationalTrauma #Trauma #SexualTrauma #traumasurvivor #Survivor #EmotionalAbuse #ChiildhoodSexualAbuse #ChildhoodEmotionalAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #PTSD #AdverseChildhoodExperiences #ChildhoodAbuse #ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #RAD #attachment #Childhoodneglect #attachmentdisorder #ChildAbuseandNeglect #FearOfAbandonment #abandonment #Suicide #SuicideLossSurvivors #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #PassiveSuicidalIdeation #suicidal #Depression #MajorDepression

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    Normalcy

    I like to think that I’m “normal” now. After all, I don’t have aplastic anemia, and I don’t have Hepatitis C that I got from a blood transfusion while trying to get rid of the aplastic anemia. I don’t have any obvious side effects from the West Nile. The holes in my ear drums from getting tubes as an adult that cannot be repaired haven’t affected my hearing that much. My weakened immune system isn’t a huge problem anymore now that people are good about self-quarantining when they get sick.

    But then I’ll have an allergy episode that over the course of 24 hours turns into a sinus infection and bronchitis and knocks me on my ass for a week. Then six months will have passed and it’ll be time for me to go get screened for liver cancer from the cirrhosis that long-term chronic Hep C caused before I was able to get it treated. Then a new variant of COVID hits the news and terrifies the world. Those times are when I’m reminded how abnormal I still am, and it bums me out.

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    When you have COVID-19 and stay with secondary effects after the virus 🦠 leave

    I went to a trip for a concert in Las Vegas in April and when I came back, 2 days later I was positive for COVID-19. I’m my case I have symptoms like asthma high fever, stomach pain and problems, respiratory issues. Plus add deal with the depression and bipolar moods, it was a mix of things that I think in a moment that I can’t handle and develop anxiety 😟 Thank God I feel better everyday, but still dealing with some things 🥺 #COVID19 #Bipolar2Disorder #ChronicPain

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    Hey Mighties ...... #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Selfcare #Depression #Anxiety #COVID19

    New Group
    Advice Addict ♥️

    Hey Mighties I have created a new group , after having a suggestion from my friend as a joke I thought maybe it could be a good idea .

    I want to use it as a sort of Agony Aunt platform where we can all share our questions, stories etc and get support from each other.

    It's only from my life experiences and not in anyway a professional opinion. I have experience in volunteering at support groups relating to my own issues etc so just wanting to use this space for that.

    A safe place to ask questions or advice and for us all to share together. Can be anything at all.

    Sometimes I seem to be alot better at giving advice than taking my own at times so just looking to give it a try and see how it goes.

    I have been a mighty member for over 5 years now and have a few groups which have gained alot of members so I'm hoping this can be the same .

    I will be posting daily on it also doing questions and also sharing my own struggles .

    Link for the group is above.

    Let's talk about it .....

    "Hey Emma"
    ♥️😊
    #MentalHealth #HeyEmma #Anxiety #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #WritingThroughIt #LetsTalkAboutIt #GeneralParenting #Parenting #COVID19 #longcovid

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    Getting there .... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare

    I realised lately I was slipping when I noticed the mess around me and all the daily things I wasn't getting done piling up.On bad days I struggle and when in pain I avoid things and then it only makes my depression and anxiety worse as I get stressed out by the fact things around me need done and I can't do them.

    I then end up feeling guilty and as though I'm failing as a mum and as a person to do the daily things I should be doing but struggling with !

    Over the past few days I have been trying to do it differently and doing just one thing at a time and giving myself one job at a time to focus on .
    I've been doing one room at a time,had a massive clear out,done both kids rooms and all clothes and toys and I now only have one room left to do and the laundry then I should be back on track.
    I do feel better that I am getting there and starting to pick myself back up again, I'm also less grouchy and crabbit especially with the kids when at home which is the worst feeling ever when I'm struggling.

    I can relax in a bath tonight knowing that I am trying and getting there and the house is starting to come together again .

    Just taking one little step at a time.

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting

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    When do you feel brave? When do you feel strong?

    Being courageous and taking acts of faith requires self love. From self love we can do more self care. Then we can look for the moments when we have felt braver, stronger or smarter….and can start letting ourselves dig deep and find our inner strength that we all have. Without it we may not still be here today. Even when I’ve been physically weak and felt like I couldn’t do any more, contribute more, or just show up…l’ve learned to dig into the power I was  born with. Over the years I’ve found myself losing my ability to do things I used to do (a lot) but I try to turn to my inner strength, trust, faith and realize that I’m a warrior and I wouldn’t have survived all these years if I hadn’t tapped into my emotional strength and fought for my life, fought to overcome fear, worry, sadness, #Depression, lack of confidence and fought to try to ignore others judgements and negative thoughts. (Many of which are just my projections!)

    These challenges have had me fighting stigma, misunderstanding, and ignorance (lack of knowledge and  facts) But I’m still here sharing what I’ve learned along the way. I have acquired strength I never knew I had which I’ve learned along my path. I’ve survived being #HIVAIDS+ since the 80’s, survived #COVID19 which had me hospitalized and then in rehab for 2 weeks to basically learn to walk again, survived living a life with the ongoing challenge of being #BipolarDisorder, & survived dealing with being an addict…but I have 10+ years sober.

    I only survived because I had support from family, friends and professionals and I learned to accept their support, often only when I just got the courage to ask for help.  But my best support is what I found deep inside me that I never knew (or believed) I had. Over time I have learned to trust myself and just take one new day at a time, one challenge at a time, and fight through one time dealing with pain at a time. I long to do this more and more and bring it to my journey of building self love…YOU ARE ALL WARRIORS TOO!

    You have taken the risk to join The Mighty, and to join groups to find connections…to learn from others and then in the process have made the intention to better yourself as a person &/or not be alone. You may take medications, although often begrudgingly; you may go to doctors appointments, even if it takes all you have to get there; you may go to therapy, even if at first not knowing what to say… all in hopes of overcoming challenges, feeling better, and getting stronger. You have survived so much because you all do have inner strength, courage and smarts you were not only born with, but have these powers from what you’ve learned along your paths of survival! So be courageous, be strong, be smart, and you will continue to survive and thrive and take leaps of faith!