How to Manage Your ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria With the 'Other 5-Second Rule'

Like many of us, I am continually learning how to best navigate life with my unique challenges. My very-late-in-life attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) diagnosis threw me sideways as I attempted to wrap my head around this discovery. When I was diagnosed, I was finally able to understand who I was and, in part, why. The usual suspects paraded around me during those initial days: relief, disbelief, anger, sadness, grief, and confusion. Over time, they passed by a bit less often and took their leave a bit earlier. With sites like The Mighty, a good therapist, supportive friends and family, and a smidge of pharmaceuticals, my ADHD remains a part of me but not front and center.

Other relevant stories:
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• Can You Have ADHD and Depression?
• Do I Have ADHD or Am I Just Lazy?
• What is ADHD?

Usually. Except when this one little thing happens. It is then I am reminded that my brain does indeed function with ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) tendencies. For the longest time, until my diagnosis, I didn’t know there was a biological reason for my behavior. I just considered it one of my many (many) shortcomings. This “little thing” goes something like this: Sometimes when there is an event and I feel hurt or threatened, I am triggered. The event feels significant to me, and there may indeed be a genuine reason to feel upset. Having a reaction that reflects the severity of the situation is understandable. That’s what most people do. But not me. No. During these times, it isn’t my tendency to just have a reaction.  

On a scale of one to 10, with one being the calm of unconsciousness and 10 being feeling completely hysterical, my inner gauge jumps to 12.  Not slowly inching upward, with the possibility of arresting or reversing the emotion but instead to 12 straightaway. My mind goes from zero to off-the-chart in less than a heartbeat. My brain is hijacked by the “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn” response—the reaction typically exhibited when one meets a bear in the woods or faces any other imminent threat to one’s life.  Being excluded from a party or having my work critically diminished does not actually rise to that level of threat, but at that moment, it feels that way.

Typically, the brain invites Executive Function and Impulse Control to the Emotion Party to keep things from going off the tracks. In my case, they are initially refused entry. My mind has a private pre-party. Just me and my devastation or rage, without those critical seconds of impulse control.

I liken these moments to tornados. They can become intense very quickly, have the power to do damage, and aren’t always visible to the naked eye. My reactive emotions also build quickly. More emotion floods in unchecked, and the storm gains strength.

The emotions are powerful, and navigation is made difficult by the shifting currents. Inside the storm, I cannot accurately assess the cause or find the best way out. As quickly as it arrives, though, the storm passes. The clouds dissipate. The darkness brightens. The turbulent winds calm, and the intense emotions fade. Nothing had changed from moments before—except for my mind, which has allowed reason to return. This doesn’t necessarily mean all is well, but things now have a heck of a lot better chance of improving. 

The axiom “Knowledge is Power” is spot-on. Finally understanding my modus operandi, I am continually working to change it. Here are my top three strategies for changing my emotional reactions with ADHD and reactive-sensitive dysphoria:

1. Wait before responding to my ADHD symptoms.  

This is my personal five-second rule. If I become upset during a face-to-face interaction, I distance myself when possible. I may go to the restroom, go for a short walk, or sit in my car until my emotional storm blows over. No calling, texting, emailing, blocking, or contact with others whatsoever (except maybe to say that I need a moment to myself). Absolutely no breaking off a relationship, quitting a job, or making other significant decisions. No hand gestures or lesson-teaching while driving.

2. Challenge my initial interpretation. 

Is my photography client’s dissatisfied look due to her belief that I suck as a photographer and should find a new career? Or is it because she wasn’t happy with the outfit she chose to wear in the shots? I remind myself to assume the best, summon up my courage, and learn the reality of the situation instead of imagining my own version of events. Sometimes a good imagination isn’t all good.

3. Practice healthy responses with my ADHD. 

Success breeds success. While I can still experience an initial surge of emotion, I do my best to practice what I have learned and adhere to my new script. I forgive myself when I slip back into my old patterns of unhealthy behavior and promise myself to keep trying. 

I wish you the best as you navigate your own daily challenges on your personal ADHD and reactive-sensitive dysphoria journey!