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A Poem About My Agoraphobia

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My agoraphobia isn’t an excuse so I don’t have to work or go to school or a made-up illness so I can be lazy.

My agoraphobia is feeling a tightness in my chest when I step through my bedroom door into the hallway.

My agoraphobia is fidgeting and bouncing legs when I am at a family dinner.

My agoraphobia is having a panic attack at the thought of leaving my apartment for an appointment.

My agoraphobia is needed to have my safe person with me in order to feel safe enough to leave the house for a few hours.

My agoraphobia is missing out on spending time with my family because I can’t get myself to walk through that door.

My agoraphobia is feeling sick to my stomach when I am in my living room for an extended period of time.

My agoraphobia is lots of sweating when I am in public even if I am in a cold building.

My agoraphobia is trying to get home as fast as possible.

My agoraphobia is leaving maybe three to four days a month.

My agoraphobia going some days with eating little because I can’t leave my bedroom.

My agoraphobia is having a racing heartbeat when I hear loud noises outside of my apartment.

My agoraphobia is turning out of reality because I can’t cope emotionally with my anxiety.

My agoraphobia is real and I never planned on my anxiety getting this bad. I used to stay home because I am an introvert, and somewhere along the way I became afraid of the outside world. I try to take one more step outside, but it might take a long time. All I can do is take one more step towards my goal of being comfortable with leaving my house.

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Lead image by Chris Christensen

Originally published: April 9, 2017
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