I’m feeling really anxious right now, maybe writing helps
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety
Hello ☺️,
(I hope I’m understandable, English is not my first language)
I’m at my parents’ place and I’m feeling not that well. I went away from what triggered the anxiety, I’m in my room and just took some medicine. I’m going to be ok.
I just feel like it might help to write a bit about what happened and the emotions that came to my mind. And if you have the same problem you’re not alone.
I think I have some kind of agoraphobia but only with people I know, people from my family. On Monday I was at the Zibelemärit (Onion market) at the capital and I felt ok even if it was really crowded.
I’m coming less and less to my parents’ place because it’s hard dealing with my brothers and their family.
One of my brothers borrowed a car from my other brother, and this afternoon the whole family (2 adults and 2 children) unexpectedly came to take their car back. The entered to drink a tea, started talking to my parents. At the beginning it was ok. I don’t like them that much because they often behave in a superior way, and when they’re here it’s like if I was fading away.
At some point they mentioned Christmas and all agreed they would meet on the 25th. They didn’t ask me about that, my opinion on the subject wasn’t important to them.
I started feeling a bit triggered, so I went to another room, and talked a bit to a friend. Before going I just told them to tell me when they were leaving. I stayed there half an hour to 45 minutes and then decided to go back to the kitchen to see if they had left.
And I saw that my mum was preparing dinner for them. I was breathing heavily and not feeling well, I told them not to put a plate for me and that I would eat in my room.
No one asked me how I was doing, I felt as if I was a ghost. They know I don’t like when people come unexpectedly but I think they just don’t care. (Ah and I’d like to say that my brother and his children eat at my parents’ place every Wednesday, so they can’t even say something like “We haven’t seen them in a while”. )
I took a yoghurt, a banana, my backpack with my medicine and went to my room. I talked a bit to a friend, and took some medicine that kind of help when I’m feeling like this.
I’m still breathing heavily. I think I’m going to watch tv a bit and in an hour there’s a concert of my favorite cat loving anxious artist on an island and somehow there’s a webcam.
At the moment I think sadness is replacing anxiety. Sadness because no one asked me how I was doing and no one came here to see how I was feeling. They just don’t care.
Thank you if you read everything. I wish you a lot of strength if you’re in a similar situation.