Agoraphobia

Just ranting about what just happened so feel free to ignore me.

Yesterday we had a family only birthday party for my 12yrs cousin which of course drained my social battery which haven't properly recovered today, not including that I didn't stop since I woke up having to eat breakfast, do an 1 hour walk then go straight to cleaning as chores.
I woke up at 7am and could only pause now at 10am, yet when I asked my grandmother "do you need my help with my brother or can I go shower and rest ?" She went all "you don't need to rest ! Rest from what ?"

I know for her what I did wasn't much but for me it is, I have agoraphobia and social anxiety so staying on groups on itself is draining to me even being family. Currently I am on group therapy and other treatments so I can handle those better but I still can't even speak at the group therapy yet, only a few words at best.

I have been in several treatments for years by now, I made a HUGE progress through all that time which I'm proud of doing. Although there is still much that I cannot do, and some that even when I can do, I need a lot of rest afterwards.

#Ranting #Vent

Hi, my name is mrswatts16. I want to to feel less isolated and recover from my illnesses

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #Agoraphobia

In the midnight hour
She sat under the moons glow
Watching waves crash upon the shore
There she could let her tears show
She looked to the stars
And wondered if God could hear
The prayers that she whispered
To protect what she holds dear
She closed her eyes
Opened her heart to soothe her soul
Letting go of the things
Of which she has no control
The world was still for a moment
Allowing peace to take her mind
Upon opening her eyes
She had left her fears behind
In the midnight hour
She sat under the moons glow
A piece of heaven
To which she could always go

#BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #AnxietyAttack #Agoraphobia

I think I accidentally hacked #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder
This is about to make my dissociation so much less distressing
#CPTSD #ChronicMigraines #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #DomesticAbuseSurvivors

Hi friends
Things have been weird. I’m getting a little more support outside of the help I gratefully receive here. But I’m feeling really detached and alone.

I’m still finding it hard to be believed. It’s getting a little easier but it’s tiny steps and when something like this happens, I feel discouraged.

I had one of the worst attempts at advocating for myself because the person just constantly told me I was wrong about what I said I was experiencing. She did not let me complete my sentences. The condensation was so clear in her voice. She could hear how much I was struggling to talk and think. I had to stop her and say “ you hear how upset I’m getting, why are you continuing to argue with me?” I had to point out so many obvious things like “as the client advocate of this agency, you are not listening to what I’m saying.” Or “you continue to interrupt me and ask me questions which is why you are not understanding. Let me finish.” (She couldn’t understand why I was bring up something from five years ago… ummmmm if you let me finish you would hear because it’s still not resolved. So trust me- I know it was a long time ago.)
She even found a way to tell me it was my fault that the agency hasn’t been helping me because i only just recently I told the case manager that I’m trying to figure this out. That was last week. I’ve been without services for over a year. Before that, I was getting not even the minimum of what is on my plan. So me saying something this one time doesn’t let them “off the hook.”
She repeatedly said “I just can’t keep this straight.” with the implication it was my fault. I said “as I said before I have ptsd and struggle to communicate, remember, and think clearly.” When I would tell her about things she said “I find that hard to believe,” and “I’ve never heard of that.”
She cut me off at one point and said “are we talking about housing or medicine because you keep switching back and forth” yes- when one doesn’t have access to their basic needs for years, that happens. And since both are equally important for survival it’s hard to not intertwine them. I wish I would have said “I am talking about my basic needs.” Period.
Also- she kept switching back and forth and so I said it back to her.
I’m dissociating more. My flashbacks have been intense. I was having them over the phone while talk to her. I said “I am having flashbacks I am trying to remember.” And she didn’t even acknowledge it or alter her approach. It was like I never said it.

There is so so so much left. It’s weighing so heavy. I have a plan moving forward to… well I guess just get louder. It’s concerning that these individuals are the client advocates for my state’s department of mental health services.

#DomesticAbuseSurvivors
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #ChronicMigraines #Migraine #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #ADHD #WritingThroughIt #CheckInWithMe #DisabilityAdvocacy #DisabilityRights

I live in a large city with a ton of crime and corruption. It’s very hard to be so sensitive and live here. I’m afraid to go outside. The news is always negative. I am reduced to watching cartoons and game shows all day. I’m just sick of it. Sorry 😢

#Agoraphobia

*I am the authority on what's best for me; they are NOT

*I do not have to purchase anything if I don't want to or am pressured into or feel uncomfortable with

* I am allowed to take my time to make an informed decision; I do not have to rush/be rushed into an impulsive decision

* NO MEANS NO, not yes!

*Awareness of manipulation tactics: $$Upselling$$, telling me what I "need" /"you don't want that" (refer back to #1 : they don't know me & therefore don't know what's best for my needs!), dismissive/minimizing behavior, dominating/controlling behavior, putting me down in some way to make me feel like I NEED the product, (ex: "you have really damaged hair & need this product"), etc

*Being aware of their behavior & how they make me feel: Are they being pushy, passive-aggressive, demanding, belittling me, devaluing me, trying to control my decisions, ignoring things I say/talking over me, gaslighting me, invalidating me?, DO I FEEL LIKE I'M WALKING ON EGGSHELLS????, etc

*How am I behaving around them?: AM I FAWNING????? Am I trying to appease them in some way? Do I not want to "let them down?" Am I people-pleasing?

*Remembering that I AM THE CUSTOMER, not the other way around: they are there to help me, not dictate my decisions

*Just because they do a sales pitch on a product, does not mean I have to purchase it

* I am in control of my decisions & I decide what's best for me. I am in charge of my $ and the limits I set for myself

*Have a plan/research beforehand

*Awareness of my triggers related to salesmen & the environment I'm going into (social anxiety, agoraphobia, sense of urgency, $ spending, etc)

*Not being easily swayed by what they say/Holding onto myself & my reality

*Remembering that I am the one who has to live with my purchase/decision.....if not, I might have delayed anger/frustration about being manipulated/swayed into a purchase I didn't really want or felt pressured into

*Remembering that dealing with salesmen is sometimes like/can be similar to dealing with abusive, manipulative others & preparing for that......salesmen can be triggering for us

*Don't be too harsh on yourself if you do make a purchase you didn't want....because the first step to change is awareness of your deep, subconscious patterns & energy-dynamics with people

*Journal about your interactions with salesmen to learn about your subconscious patterns with them

*Learn about manipulative sales tactics so you can be prepared for battle lol

*Be gentle & compassionate with yourself & understand that pattern-breaking takes time.

*Do something calming beforehand. For me: I pray beforehand about decisions & dealing with salesmen, but I know not everyone does this.....maybe you could do some yoga, meditation, take a walk, etc beforehand to calm your mind & your anxieties

* Knowing you don't have to the apologize, justify, or overexplain your decisions to salesmen; You don't owe them anything

*Bring a pen and paper (or notes) to weigh your decisions if it helps! I am learning that I have to do this to best help myself

* Ask yourself: How can I make this process easier/less stressful for myself?

*Maybe plan a treat/something fun or indulgent for yourself afterwards?

* Know that it takes courage to deal with salesmen....you are strong & courageous!

*Knowing not all salemen are manipulative, but many are......and that it is inherently part of their job to be manipulative....to sell you things, to gain commission, to get you to spend a lot of $, etc.....they have/their employer has their own motives and their behavior is not really personal....they have a goal to attain.....but be aware of predatory behavior!

#salesmen #sales #Hair #hairsylists #hairappointments #budtenders #dispensary #cardealers #PTSD #CPTSD #agency #dealingwithmanipulators #SocialAnxiety #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #Overwhelm #decisionmaking #trigger #moneyspending #Fear #worry