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Changing the Inner Dialogue of a Chronically Ill Mother Who Feels Guilty

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It’s the end of the school year. The last week. Awards, fun days, field days. Fun right? Exhausting? Yep.

Exceptionally exhausting for those of us who live with chronic illness, causing us to miss some of the fun days.

The all too familiar mother’s guilt sets in my inner monologue. Not to mention the embarrassment.

This is where I have to change my inner dialogue to make it through. A daily battle.

Why are my children so compassionate?

Why are they making fabulous grades?

Why do they understand if I miss it?

A photo of the writer's four children, one wearing a graduation robe.

Because I’ve learned to let go of what I can’t do. And look at what I can. Instead of how things used to be, which was basically giving up.

I can love them. I can teach them in my day old pjs. I can hold out until this small bump in the road is over. I can bond, cuddle, and be involved in their lives. I can celebrate at home. I can show them that life isn’t always easy, but we stick it out. And, I can make egg salad, while stuck on the couch…And, I can ask for help – showing them that your tribe and the people that surround you and support you are very important.

None of us are going to measure up to our own expectations, but we can make a way to accept it, which is my daily goal.

And although, this road isn’t what I would’ve chosen, it’s one that I can navigate through.

Congrats to the graduates and to the parents that can and did get it done the best way we could.

Getty Image by Alexandra Romanova

Originally published: May 25, 2018
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