What I Believe the Book 'Brave Girl Eating' Got Wrong About Eating Disorder Recovery

In honor of Mother’s Day, I decided to read as many accounts as possible from mothers whose children struggle with mental health conditions, putting special emphasis on those have experienced eating disorders. I consider my mother to be one of the pivotal figures who helped me recover from anorexia nervosa in my late teens, and therefore I am very interested in reading and listening to women who have been in positions similar to hers. In my quest to find books written by mothers of eating disorder patients, I found “Brave Girl Eating,” a nonfiction novel in which its author, Harriet Brown, documents the recovery of her daughter Kitty (pseudonym to protect the girl’s privacy), who struggled with anorexia in her early teens and relapsed during her first year of college. “Brave Girl Eating,” besides describing the particular family relations that form when one of the family members has an eating disorder, defends Maudsley’s approach, a treatment method in which the parents of the patient are 100 percent in charge of the patient’s refeeding.

I really, really wanted to like “Brave Girl Eating.” However, Brown’s perspective made me worry and wonder how exactly we perceive eating disorders (and the people who have them) as a society. Some perspective: I was diagnosed with anorexia five years ago, and I’m still on treatment after relapsing, which makes my case somewhat similar to Kitty’s. Although me and my medical team never followed Maudsley’s approach, I was offered the choice to have my mother very involved in my recovery and refeeding. I accepted, and I think that the experience not only improved my relationship with food but also with my mother, who I now regard as one of my best friends. Therefore, I’m not opposed to Maudsley’s approach in the slightest. My issues with this book, however, lie in the author herself and how she views and describes anorexia.

Firstly, in her attempt to prove her family is not to blame for Kitty’s anorexia, Harriet seems to never end up wanting to know the reason why Kitty developed an eating disorder in the first place. I understand knowing the cause could be hurtful for parents, but I believe it’s not fair to not let Kitty explore that. I believe knowing why you developed an eating disorder (or any mental illness for that matter) is crucial in order for you to understand the way your brain and your illness work, and therefore, crucial in order for you to recover.

In fact, Harriet not only doesn’t want to explore the possible causes of Kitty’s anorexia, she’s adamant to see anorexia as separate from her daughter, something Kitty actually criticizes her for in the novel, but something Harriet seems to ignore. Harriet seems to not understand anorexia as an illness within the patient, much like any other physical condition. She seems obsessed with getting her former, eating disorder-free child back, and in doing so, she reiterates that the “real” Kitty has been taken hostage by the anorexia. Not only that, but she describes Kitty when she’s showing anorexia symptoms as “Not-Kitty” and “the demon,” which is both dehumanizing and stigmatizing, and I believe shows how in denial she is.

In her quest to defend Maudsley’s approach, Harriet feels free to call other approaches cruel and inhumane. Yes, forced feeding is brutal and may slow down the process of developing a healthy relationship with food, but can be absolutely necessary in some patients who are experiencing a medical emergency. What’s more, although Maudsley’s approach can make the patient develop a healthy relationship with food faster, I believe it’s not a “one size fits all” therapy. Some patients benefit more from a more traditional approach, and then there are also cases of patients who don’t have a good support system, so Maudsley’s is impossible for them. Both Maudsley’s approach and more traditional approaches have pros and cons. Maudsley’s may make you develop a healthy relationship with food quicker, but the weight restoration is slower, which is something some patients can’t risk. In fact, many professionals advise to start Maudsley’s approach after the patient hits a certain BMI.

Lastly, it’s not only therapies Harriet criticizes, but families of other patients, too. She judges the parents of other girls with anorexia or bulimia as being “dysfunctional” and so unlike her family. She seems to imply her family is without blame, completely supportive and never harmful to Kitty.

Although I admire Harriet Brown for taking care of Kitty’s refeeding process and succeeding, and for having the courage to write a memoir to inspire and give hope to other parents, her views of anorexia, anorexic patients and other families and therapies showed me just how necessary a conversation on the recovery process is.

In order to beat the stigma, we need to talk openly about eating disorders and their devastating consequences. We need to teach parents that eating disorders are not always separate from their children — that although they may explain some behaviors like irritability and aggressiveness, they do not excuse them. Also, differentiating between your “real” child (the one before the eating disorder) and your “fake’”child (the one with the eating disorder) can be hurtful. I believe if you don’t let your child recognize the illness is a part of them (a part, of course, that can be beaten), and if you don’t let them explore the reasons why they might have developed that illness, you may be slowing down the process of understanding yourself, forgiving yourself or making peace with yourself and the parts that are self-destructive. Eating disorders too often manifest themselves as coping mechanisms of something bigger, and failing to understand the comorbidity inherent to many cases of disordered eating can make the recovery process harder than it already is.

We need, as well, to stop fearing the fact that some family dynamics can be a factor on the development of eating disorders. Some people develop an eating disorder because their families are truly abusive, but many others develop an eating disorder because their families, albeit loving and supportive, show some toxic or harmful behaviors that they failed to deem as such. Understanding why you cope the way you cope is key, and to do so we must let ourselves be honest and vulnerable.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.

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Photo via “Brave Girl Eating” Facebook page.