How My Experience of Father's Day Changed After My Son's Anorexia Diagnosis

Editor’s Note: This story has been published with permission from the author’s son.

Since my son was diagnosed with a mental illness, I’ve found Father’s Day to be transformed from a day of mysterious celebration to a day of perplexed worry.

When my youngest son was diagnosed with anorexia at the age of 12, any preconceived notions I had about Father’s Day felt like they were hijacked by his mental illness. Father’s Day felt like it was no longer about being together as a family. It became day consumed with treatment protocols and eating disorder therapy sessions.

Raising an adolescent is challenging. My experience with raising an adolescent with a mental illness required a phenomenally high level of support by my family and me. Anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsions fueled my son’s eating disorder. Identifying and supporting his needs required personal sacrifices far greater than I could have ever imagined.

The first Father’s Day after his diagnosis, we were really struggling. I didn’t think about what other fathers would be experiencing on that day. I’m not sure I was really celebrating myself. Instead, I was focused on learning how to be a new father to the same child for a second time.

The traditional anticipation of surprises and celebrations on Father’s Day was replaced with perplexed worry. While he was still the same physical child we brought into this world, his eating disorder often made him choose isolation and withdrawal instead of even a remote acknowledgement of Father’s Day.

After that first Father’s Day three years ago, my son’s eating disorder spiraled in and out of control. Holidays, including Father’s Day, became another day of ensuring he was in the best care for his mental illness. Whether this required an out-of-state treatment center, time devoted to preparing his return to home or supporting his journey towards a full recovery, our focus remained on his care instead of on celebrations.

During those challenging years, I don’t think I ever stopped long enough to think about Father’s Day, much less to really enjoy Father’s Day. As I sent best wishes to my own father and to my friends, I was worrying about my son’s health all day long.

Now, at 16, my son is diligently focused on his recovery journey. He has taken ownership of his mental illness while acknowledging the losses he himself has sustained with family, friends and absences from holidays and school. Importantly, he really likes the life he lives now — without his eating disorder. He is choosing authenticity and his own life values over his eating disorder. And I now anticipate — and even look forward to — the return of mysterious celebrations this Father’s Day.

As our children grow, treasured Father’s Day cards are joined by gifts (homemade and otherwise). In years past, I‘ve saved these memories in a special chest to ensure their eternal preservation.

But I haven’t saved a Father’s Day memory token for quite some time. Instead, I was completely focused on saving my youngest son’s life.

This Father’s Day, there is plenty of room in that chest drawer for me to save memories and tokens from all of my children. This year, I look forward to seeing what that drawer collects.

As a member of the Recovery Ambassador Council of Eating Recovery Center, David Bachman is a parent and family advocate for children and adolescents with eating disorders. David is passionate on sharing his family’s story of his son’s struggles and triumphs with Anorexia Nervosa.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.

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Thinkstock photo via Nora Pelaez.