Anxiety. On the outside, it appears I have my shit together. It seems that by putting on makeup, doing my hair, showering, getting out of bed (which some days feels impossible), I have my life together.
Inside my heart is pounding. My mind is racing. My legs are trying to keep up with the speed of my thoughts. I feel tired. I’m always feeling as if I am no good and I don’t deserve to be breathing. My life feels as if it is slowly flying by.
My mind is a blur, but no one knows. No one can tell I am fucking terrified of my own thoughts. I go to bed with these horrible thoughts, just to do the same thing tomorrow.
I have struggled with anxiety for a long time. The best way to describe it is a blur. The days are long but they go by so fast. I am constantly worrying about the unknown, tearing myself apart, thinking “what if?” What if I were skinnier? What if I were prettier? What if I wasn’t sick? What if mental illness didn’t exist? What if I lose the ones I love most? Constantly thinking about everything that can go wrong in my life, I never focus on what’s going right.
Constantly thinking about everything that can go wrong in my life, I never focus on what’s going right.
What’s going right in your life? There has to be something. Our hearts are beating and I’m sure at least one soul loves you in this world.
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I’m finding a lot of strength and courage in myself. I want to share my story and struggles with others struggling.
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