We all have this monster somewhere inside of us. Those of us living with anxiety know how hard it can be to control. There are days when it is manageable and we can go about our daily lives and not have to worry about having an anxiety attack. Then there are days when it is so hard to pull yourself out of bed and even get yourself to eat something.
Those days are the days where I don’t feel in control of myself. These are the days when anxiety takes the steering wheel and knocks me in the backseat to just be along for the ride. It is as if I cease to exist and anxiety takes control of the functions and tells my brain what body what to do. It’s like going on autopilot and it’s supposed to be smooth sailing, but when you go back to manual control you find yourself with more problems than when you started.
From what I’ve experienced, those problems can range from a pile up of responsibilities from work or school to problems in my relationships. Many of these problems you don’t intentionally want to happen. If you’re like me, you feel frustrated. You want to do your best to be in the present moment, but you find anxiety rears its head and knocks you back. I describe it as going into an emotional high and the only way to come down is to come crashing down. To have this happen every time is so exhausting and puts a toll on you.
There are days when I find it hard to do all the things on my plate so I have to dial back and do what I can and not expect so much from myself. It is very hard to do, but sometimes when anxiety takes your car and insists on driving, you have to let yourself do what you can and not expect perfection until you are given the wheel back.
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Thinkstock photo via Marjan_Apostolovic.
Someone who deals with mental illness and at the same time trying to figure out who she is. I write my experience and hope someone finds a part of themselves in my story or appreciates my journey.
rachael-coassolo