I do not have sex often. Since being sexually active, the most amount of time I have not had sex nearly surpassed four years. Can you imagine not having sex for four years?
Part of this has to do with who I am attracted to, but the last couple times I have been with someone, my performance did not exceed anyone’s expectations. I never realized how much my anxiety influenced my sexual performance.
I have experienced both premature ejaculation and the inability to orgasm, a performance issue not always mentioned. I had an encounter once where my whole body felt so exhausted that I couldn’t orgasm. I am not sure how much time passed, but it was more than usual, and it felt like nothing was happening. I eventually had to stop so I could rest.
More times than not, I have either low libido or I do not get aroused at all. This is problematic for me because when I find someone I would like to spend time with, it takes months or even years for me to become comfortable enough to consider being intimate with them. And when that happens, I become anxious fearing low performance or other problems.
My largest obstacle is getting to know people well enough that I would consider dating. Once I overcome that anxiety, more problems arise, and I never move forward. The next thing I know, the person has stopped talking to me and moved on to dating someone else. This has happened so many times. I find it difficult to keep trying.
If you are involved with someone who has anxiety, the best thing you can do to help them is be patient and understanding. Any complications in the bedroom does not mean the person is not attracted to you. And if you get upset, it could make them more upset. Their body is just going through some things that may prevent it from working at 100 percent.
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Getty Images photo via KatarzynaBialasiewicz
James Pack has written several collections of poetry and short fiction, is a contributing writer for themighty.com and the Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog. He manages his personal website as well as a local entertainment website for Tucson, AZ. He studied Theatre Arts at the University of Arizona and studied Entertainment Business at Full Sail University for his graduate degree. James is a board member and Treasurer for the Tucson Fringe Theatre Festival and works with many nonprofits and local artists in the performing arts community. He lives in Tucson, AZ. Visit his website to learn more about James. Thejamespack.com, @jamespackwriter. James Pack wrote this bio in the third person and it makes him feel narcissistic and gross.
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