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The 5 Stages of My Anxiety in the Morning

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I get asked quite a lot what makes me “too attached to my bed,” and every time, I say it’s hard to explain. It really is hard! I can never really find enough words to clearly and fully explain my current status. So, this time, I tried to break it down into five stages, hoping that maybe this way, you could find clearer understanding.

1. Getting worked up.

I start worrying about things that don’t matter, then overanalyze why I do that in the first place. Then, I get pissed because I (usually) can’t find an answer to all the questions I keep asking myself in my attempt to understand what affected me.

2. Guilt-tripping myself.

I start getting anxious about how much time I have lost, consumed in absolute meaningless nothingness, and how I’m not making good use of my existence — not to mention how little sense my overthinking is making, even to me.

3. Self-loathing.

I start looking for all the things that might have a part in making me like this or a part in causing me pain. I get too frustrated if I ever find something and convince myself I am flawed and worthless for being the way I am.

4. Unleashing my inner “Columbo.”

As questions keep on repeating over and over in my mind without purpose, my brain starts to malfunction due to not finding good enough reasonings behind my actions, and that’s when I start mentally melting down.

And finally:

5. Incapacitation.

I start becoming mentally frozen, like my body suddenly remembers that gravity exists, weighing me down in bed by the strongest gravitational force.

I beg my brain to stop consuming itself because of things that shouldn’t matter, then get angry when I realize how silly I am for having such a mindset and for repeating the whole process of self-judgment, gradually losing function of my senses before reaching mental numbness.

And that, kids, is why I say I’m too tired to get out of bed.

Photo by Joel Overbeck on Unsplash

Originally published: April 18, 2019
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