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When the Fear of Having Anxiety Manifests as Nightmares

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When I have a panic attack, it tires me out and awakens a fear in me. Whatever was the subject of that panic becomes a trigger. Triggers can range from anything such as people, places, ideas, or objects. Whatever awakened that fear in me is now stuck as a trigger and affects me consciously and subconsciously. I can feel that fear while I’m awake and while I’m asleep.

In recent months, I’ve noticed that I have nightmares about having a panic attack, getting angry, or irritated based on my triggers. In these nightmares, I’m being ignored and no one sees me panic, leaving me in a state of helplessness and fatigue. I recall hysterically crying or yelling, trembling and feeling a sense of hopelessness I’ve never felt before. Not only am I ignored in my dream, I’m also looked at as “crazy.”

These nightmares are a mirror of my reality and how I feel when it comes to my anxiety. Whether its being at work or being home, being with family or friends, anxiety follows me around and creates a wall of fear I can feel.

While this phenomenon is relatively new to me, I know dealing with it is going to be a challenge, as my anxiety is a challenge every day. Feeling hopeless and helpless in my reality is manifesting in my subconscious mind, resulting in fatigue and tiredness when I wake up in the morning.

My goal for the days, months and years to come, is to continue to prioritize self-care and self-love. And while this reflection and realization is often terrifying, I hope to use it to grow and become enlightened. Facing and dealing with my fears has been repressed and I hope to find tactics that will help me cope and heal.

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Originally published: December 5, 2017
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