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What You Don't Know About the 'Put Together' Person Standing In Front Of You

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I am happy. I enjoy going out with friends and socializing with others. I enjoy working in groups and interacting with customers at work.

Waking up is my favorite part of the day.

Most people would describe me as these things, but that’s not the real me. That’s just what I appear to be.

The person seen is completely different than the person I am inside.

I feel my thoughts racing a mile a minute! About things I have to do today, tomorrow, or next week. About things I’ve said in conversations that may have made me look silly in front of that person. A lame joke or something that didn’t make sense. I have a hard time falling asleep because my mind is always awake. Without my dog next to me every night and the TV on some trivial show I’ve seen a million times, I’d never sleep.

I feel ashamed for the way I am, how I do things, how I figure stuff out. I know these are not true thoughts, but I can’t help but think them.

I am scared of social situations. Even if I know everyone, I get anxious. I prefer to do
projects alone, but my boss doesn’t know that. Even when I do things on my own, I’m
scared I’m not doing them right, that I’m not qualified to be doing this. In reality,
I’m overqualified.

I can’t actively focus on the present. My anxiety forces me to worry about the future, and my depression makes me relive the past over and over again. I overthink every situation and everything that happens or that comes out of my mouth. I may seem well put together to you, but I’m not. I’m not the person you believe me to be, but I am a better person than I think I am. I know how to put on a good show.

I should have been an actor.

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Thinkstock photo by LiudmylaSupynska

Originally published: December 28, 2016
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