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I Take Medication for Anxiety – and I'm Still a Good Mom

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Dear Anxiety,

Do you remember the first time I even recognized your presence as a new mom? I remember it like it was yesterday. The triplets were just weeks old. They cried all the time. It was before we knew they had GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) and the sleep deprivation was ruining me. It was the middle of the night and our boys wouldn’t stop crying. Do you remember yet? Everything I knew to do as a mother to help them wasn’t working. I cried so hard weeping with my babies, “I don’t know how to help you.”

That was the beginning of our journey together. Although I know you likely snuck your way in before that moment, that was the first time I saw how cruel you really can be.

Weeks went by before I got help. I’m sure you remember that. You used that time as an opportunity to breathe lies and fears into my heart. You stole my confidence and joy. I was afraid to take my newborns anywhere. You destroyed me. You were the culprit to my ongoing panic attacks. I was in a depression and walking through a lonely postpartum season.

But, I got help. I made a choice to change.

I am one in five. And it’s OK. I am on medication. And it’s OK. I am a good mom. You can’t take that away from me. I won’t let you.

It’s been over three years since you entered my life and I still face you daily. I continue to take medication. But you have never won. Being on medication makes me a great mom because I am taking care of myself. And perhaps you underestimated me. Every time you make yourself present in my days, I will always choose to rise and stand against you, stay healthy and be strong for my family as I conquer the struggles you bring me — because I am good mother.

A woman holding pill bottles, taking a mirror selfie. The mirror shows the words: I have anxiety, I take medication and I am still a good mom

Anxiety, you are apart of my story. I never wanted you. I never asked for you. But I believe God is using you to make my story beautiful, to reach the hearts of the hurting, to remind those who are one in five that they are not alone. To show moms everywhere that medication does not define our journeys — because we are good mothers.

This post originally appeared on The Fortin Trio. Follow the author on Instagram here.

Image credit: Desiree Fortin

Originally published: April 18, 2019
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