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How Anxiety Makes Me the Superhero of My Own Story

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Anxiety makes me a superhero.

In my darkest moments, I’ll sink to the bottom of that deep, dark place and feel as though I’m drowning, choking on my own thoughts exhausted from continuously chasing around the squirrels in my head.

When will it end? What went wrong? How did this beautiful day end up with me here in this pool of self-loathing and fear?

Anxiety was a dirty little secret I kept for years on end. I had no clue why I was convinced every person who looked at me differently hated me or that to have a good day only came if I asked an invisible force politely for one. Let’s not forget the countless bus rides in my teens spent tapping my thighs in counts of four because it was an even number that made me feel safe.

Four. It’s still my favorite number. I laugh about it today, but you get the picture. I felt like a little lost soldier, alone in her bubble of, “What the actual f am I doing right now?”

Yet, anxiety makes me a superhero.

Living in constant battle with my own mind does not mean I choose to sink to the bottom of that deep dark place and stay there. I’ll rise up like a phoenix every single time and take a lesson from what just happened, my head held high.

Did I get enough sleep? Did I eat enough? Was I true to myself in that decision? Am I serving myself as best I could be right now? Do I need a Netflix and chill day right now?

Every situation I make to this day is approached from two angles:

What would Emma do?

What would anxious Emma do?

I need to know who is calling the shots and work to fill this hole in my chest. By doing so, I evolve into the greatest version of myself every day.

Anxiety makes me powerful and determined to create a better way.

Anxiety makes me an athlete whose goal is to fall in love with movement time and time again.

Anxiety makes me love harder than Romeo and Juliet.

Anxiety makes me headstrong and passionate about standing up for the little person.

Anxiety makes me honest in my quest to raise awareness on a topic that has brought myself and others to their knees.

Anxiety makes me animated and creative as I prioritize to fill my days with joyful activities that make my heart sing.

Anxiety makes me ambitious, determined and headstrong.

Anxiety has made me an expert who knows her whole being inside and out and has me second and triple check every decision I make.

Anxiety makes me a superhero, rigid in her pursuit to make life incredible no matter how many times I fall down.

Because you see, we all have our authentic imperfections, the quirks that make us who we are. On a bad day, my quirk can crush me; however, I refuse to let it win. It can have its moment in the spotlight. Yet, I will continue to remain victorious and fly the flag for survivors.

For those of us surviving each time we rise up again. For those of us living our lives and functioning even when we don’t feel like it. For those of us accepting our anxiety and making it pull its own weight (because this is a two way street buddy. You better bring something positive into my life if you plan on staying.)

Anxiety makes me the superhero of my own story. Just like you’re the hero of yours.

Image via contributor.

Originally published: October 19, 2016
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