The Mighty Logo

How I Overcome Fear Using 5 Steps

The most helpful emails in health
Browse our free newsletters

I am new to this platform, but excited to give it a try. I thought I would start by writing about fear as it can stop so many of us from moving forward with the smallest of tasks we face each day at the least, to stopping us in our tracks with moving toward our biggest dreams.

Let’s start by breaking down fear for what is really is:

F-alse
E-vidence (that)
A-ppears
R-eal

I point out fear is nothing more than “False Evidence that Appears Real” because it can be an accurate breakdown when we feel fear. Don’t get me wrong, if you are standing in the middle of a busy highway, your fear is well-founded because you are risking life and limb. However, in most situations, that’s not the type of fear we struggle with on a day-to-day basis. Most fears are born in our thoughts and based on events and outcomes as we foresee them.

Interestingly, our minds have a tendency to lean toward the worst possible outcomes, it’s part of our survival mechanism; our fight or flight response.

Think about the fears you have had in the last 30 days, something that costs you time, worry or sleep, or even your overall well-being. You know the everyday fears I’m talking about, like your boss sends an email on Friday and wants to talk about your business plan the following Monday morning. As we read our boss’s email, our mind might have already made the leap they have found flaws in our plan. After all, why else would they want to talk about it?

We arrived at this negative notion based on no tangible evidence whatsoever, just the words in a simple email. Once the negative or fearful thought has been established, we follow it up with endless loop scenarios that escalate our angst about where the conversation will go and what is possibly wrong with our plan. Interestingly, it rarely dawns on us that maybe our boss has something complimentary to say to us about our plan. Why is it in this example, and so many more, we immediately launch to the more negative outcomes? It goes back to our wiring, which facilitated our very survival as a species, and that wiring/script in our mind is: If we do not know something or its outcome, maybe it’s bad, or worse, not safe and could cost me everything … even my life? As we were attempting to escape the fangs of a sabertooth tiger, our fight or flight instincts served us well; however, we’re likely not trying to outrun the clutches of a prehistoric big cat these days … only a perceived one.

Our modern fears are hardly based on concerns for loss of our life, but more often, concerns on much smaller scales. We’re afraid of being embarrassed for not having the right answer in a meeting, not being smart enough, attractive enough, courageous enough and so on. These fears are the ones that define “False Evidence (that) Appears Real.” Though these modern-day fears are not life-threatening, they can stop us dead in our tracks just as though we are facing a sabertooth tiger.

We have to change our thinking and learn most fears are illusions and nothing more. The most curious part is we create and amplify the illusion in our own minds, and we are the authors of this negative, and at times, frightening, script.

So, what’s the remedy? The “fix” is so easy it will be hard to accept, but give it a try. The next time a fear based on “False Evidence (that) Appears Real” arises, grab a pen and paper and ask the following questions about the fear:

1. Why am I interpreting it this way?

2. What good can come out of this?

3. What can I learn from this?

4. What could I find amusing or even funny about this thought?

5. What outcome(s) are most likely to come out of this?

This exercise strips away the curtain of fear and reveals fear is nothing to be afraid of, and if we look closely, most times what we are seeing as fearful does not even rise to be a high level of concern. As stated earlier, fear is hardly more than an illusion of a bad outcome that most likely will not come to fruition.

Look back at fears you built up due to your interpretation of an issue or event. Did it turn out anything close to the negative association you attached to it? If we’re being honest and objective with ourselves, the answer is generally going to be our fear was not even close to the actual outcome.

If we start with asking the above-mentioned questions and write out the most rational potential outcomes, we quickly circumvent the unfounded fears our minds tend to put in front of us.

Give it a try and you might find with practice you have nothing to lose except fears that are holding you back from the life you want and deserve.

Unsplash image by Dylan Ferreira

Originally published: January 28, 2021
Want more of The Mighty?
You can find even more stories on our Home page. There, you’ll also find thoughts and questions by our community.
Take Me Home