11 Things Your Partner Doesn’t Realize You’re Doing Because of Your Anxiety

This piece was written by Lauren Jarvis-Gibson, a Thought Catalog contributor.

1. I take funny comments or jokes to heart.

Even when my partner is totally joking and being playful with me, I’m extremely sensitive to it. I take their every comment to heart because in my head, I’m wondering, what if that’s true? 

2. I isolate myself.

Sometimes, I just need to be alone with only my thoughts. It can happen out of the blue and without warning. This might confuse the heck out of my significant other, but sometimes I need to re-energize. Being in my head all the time is exhausting and alone time helps.

3. I always question whether or not my significant other is serious about me.

I always need so much reassurance from them that they actually do want to be with me. I’m constantly wondering why I even deserve their love, because it seems so bizarre and foreign to me. I can’t shut off the thoughts in my brain that think, “They are going to leave.”

4. When I get into an argument, I completely shut down.

When we argue, I immediately go silent. Confrontation and fights makes me extremely uncomfortable and stressed out, so I protect myself by not saying anything at all. After every argument, it might take a few days until everything is back to normal, because it sends my anxiety skyrocketing.

5. I’m constantly asking my partner for reassurance.

If they tell me I look good today, I have to ask them again and again until I believe they are serious. When they ask to be my boyfriend or girlfriend, I usually will need reassurance they truly want that. The list goes on and on, but I need reminding all the time that they want me and only me.

6. I get jealous easily even though I know I can trust my partner.

When my significant other goes out with friends or sees their family without me, I overthink as to reasons why they went without me. My brain goes into overdrive, wondering what I did wrong or what I said wrong, and when I see them out with other people my anxiety tells me it’s because of me.

7. When they tell me they love me, it’s hard for me to take it seriously.

Because my anxiety is constantly shutting my self-esteem down and making me feel like nothing, to have someone love me is really scary. When my partner tells me they love me, I question how much truth is in it. I always ask them to tell me reasons, and to only say it if they mean it, because my anxiety tells me love leads to heartbreak.

8. When I don’t hear from them for a few days, I automatically assume they are going to leave me.

My anxiety likes to trick my mind into thinking everything is on me, and everything is my fault. If my partner spends a few days without me or days without talking to me, I freak out. I don’t want to seem needy, but inside, my anxiety is screaming that my significant other is officially done with me.

9. I have sex with the lights off, especially in the beginning of the relationship.

I love my partner and I love sex, but sometimes I can’t have the lights shining on all the parts of me that make me feel undesirable. Most of the time, I go to bed with them in dimly lit lighting, to reassure myself that they can’t see the imperfect pieces of me.

10. When I meet my partner’s friends, I go to extreme lengths in order for them to like me.

When I meet my partner’s friends and family, I get extremely anxious and my anxiety tells me all the reasons they won’t like me. So, I usually try really hard, especially with my partner’s parents, and rehearse what I’m going to say before I meet them.

11. I question my love for them.

Even though deep down I know I love them, sometimes I question my own heart. My anxiety sometimes makes me second guess myself and downplay my gut instincts. Sometimes, I really do think to myself, do I truly love this person? Is this person really a good fit for me? Sometimes, people with anxiety question their own love in order to guard themselves and not get hurt.

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