Editor’s note: If you live with an eating disorder, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “NEDA” to 741-741.
Do you go to a therapist? I’m sure most of us do, that’s why we gel as a community, right? We are a unified tribe that all need a little help from our friends to get by.
As someone who struggles with anxiety, my “mental hamster wheel” often turns inward with self-hatred and verbal abuse. My most common default is negative thoughts about my body. I struggle with loving myself. A lot. However, I am trying to learn to love me. All of me. Because I’m tired. I’m tired of beating myself up emotionally for not being “thin.” I am tired of trying to look “normal” and pretty. I’m tired of not loving me regardless of what I look like. I want to love me because my daughter is watching and absorbing, but I also want to love me because life would be much better if I did.
Now we come to the main purpose of this story. How do we learn to love ourselves? I have spent many hours in therapy, and I’ll tell you, I think I might have finally found something that helps. After my therapist gave me a homework assignment that didn’t quite work for me, I revised it. Hers was an “I choose not to weigh today because…” kind of paragraph. I was to read it in the mornings when I would usually weigh and beat myself up for the number on the scale. I learned quickly it just didn’t motivate me. What did wind up motivating me was rephrasing my paragraph and writing a “why I choose to love myself…” paragraph.
So today, I’m sharing with you something I hope will motivate you to write your own paragraph no matter what you struggle with. This is my paragraph. I hope it inspires you.
Today I choose to love my body because it has never deserted me. I choose to love my body because it has carried me miles and miles. I choose to love my body because it has made two beautiful children. I choose to love my body because it doesn’t deserve to be hated. I choose to love my body because it houses me. I choose to love my body because it has carried me up the steps of the Eiffel Tower and the Great Wall of China. I choose to love my body because we are partners. I choose to love my body because my kids think it is a safe space. I choose to love my body because my body gives love to others and it deserves it the same in return.
This is not a permanent fix. I still struggle. I still have to pull out my paragraph, but it’s there. When I am feeling down about my body and I read it, it truly helps. I call it “positivity brainwashing.” May you brainwash yourself with positivity today and every day henceforth. You deserve to love yourself, and I do to.
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Thinkstock photo via g-stockstudio.
Heather is a mother, dreamer, and GenXer with a "meh" mentality living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and reoccurring Depression. She thrives on a good crisis since her brain is constantly prepared for one - it's in the calm of the storm where she struggles the most. Heather is always working on herself to try and "fix" what is wrong with her, even though she knows rationally it's just who she is and there is no real "wrong." Things are not all or nothing, but that is super hard to accept: in her head there is black & white, no gray. One day, Heather hopes to find self-love and acceptance within.
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