How Racism Has Affected Me as an Autistic Woman

As an autistic Chinese Canadian female, unfortunately I have faced a lot of racism throughout my life. When people see my last name Farnan written down, they usually assume I’m Caucasian, and are totally thrown off guard when they meet me in person — and find out I’m Asian. I’m used to being judged; it’s nothing new to me! I wish people would take the time to acknowledge who I am, instead of asking questions about my personal life. It should not matter to someone what ethnicity I am. It’s not something anyone can control.

You’re born the same race as your biological parents, whether you like it or not! I understand why people have made mean comments about me throughout my life, but I wish they would invest their time in something far more crucial — learning how to treat others respectfully and kindly. Every individual in society should have the ability to decipher between right and wrong, and I don’t feel as though many young people use their common sense. And I do not condone others going around and saying racist and hurtful things to each other.

Instead of people judging me when they find out I’m adopted by a Caucasian family, I wish they would accept me as I am and not ask questions such as, “Do you know your biological parents?” and “Do you want to meet them someday?” I’m happy with the family I have and try to embrace my uniqueness. But that is hard to do when others say unkind and disrespectful things. I think it’s becoming more common for families to adopt children. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! The world is already overpopulated as it is; why not help kids who are already in this world and need a family?

Two wrongs don’t make a right, so I really wish we could all bury the hatchet and move on with our lives. In my opinion, racist people discriminate against others because they are insecure about their own ethnicity. Regardless, I still don’t think it’s right! I wish they’d seek counseling, but it seems some will never be capable of learning from their mistakes and apologizing. It’s really sad to learn that not everyone in this world is genuine and caring. I see people for who they are rather than the color of their skin, and I think that is how all individuals should be perceived.

I’ve been called a “stupid Asian” before and my feelings were very hurt. Although that’s not the worst thing that someone can say, it still upsets me and it’s extremely offensive. I’ve experienced a lot of bullying throughout my life after being diagnosed with autism. I was first racially bullied at age 5 and cyberbullied at age 14. Both of these events significantly impacted my life. While they may be in the past, there’s never a day where I don’t worry about someone saying something racist or teasing me. Once someone is bullied and targeted, the fear inside them begins to build up and sometimes that feeling never fades away. It’s sad that so many people in society aren’t able to get along and put bullying and racist comments to rest. Who wants to be known as a racist jerk or a bully?

We all have the right to speak up and voice our concerns if another person is bothering us. Someone once asked me: “is the reason you don’t drive because you’re Asian?” My feelings were incredibly hurt — and then they wondered why I was upset. I replied to this individual by stating I was hurt and had hoped they would listen: “What do you expect me to feel? You just insulted me and that’s not OK!”

I’m not very pleased with responses like, “I’m sorry. I have a dark sense of humor!” While that may be the case, it still doesn’t give you the right to be nasty. Although they may not have malicious intentions, it’s really upsetting that not everyone my age understands how racism can affect someone such as myself. If you have something to say about another person’s ethnicity, it’s better to keep it to yourself or talk about your concerns when they aren’t around. How would you feel if someone were to target you and say racist things? Bullies and tormentors fail to put things into perspective and imagine how the victim will feel when they receive racist criticism.

I think people are racist towards me because I’m an easy target and they know that they can irritate me. If you say something hurtful towards me just once, don’t expect me to give you a gold star. What irritates me the most is that people often expect me to instantly forgive them after they do something wrong. That’s not how life works and certainly not something I condone. If you immediately forgive someone after they hurt you, I think it just encourages the behavior. You must earn my respect and I must earn yours as well. Instead of excluding certain races from society, we need to treat others equally and with the respect they deserve.

I don’t understand why people are disrespectful to one another; there’s no point in being that way. It damages your public image and reputation, and slowly you will notice people pull away from you and your friendship group beginning to deteriorate. Having power and authority over someone or a group of people only benefits the bully. We all have the right to be whoever we choose, and don’t have to change to please someone.

I would like people to take a good look at themselves before judging me and labeling me a “stupid Asian.” Think about how these words might affect me. They may just be words to a bully, but they can be permanent to me.

If someone isn’t treating you with the respect you deserve, you can control how much or how little they are involved in your life. It’s fine to be scared to trust people and put faith in them because strangers are unpredictable and are not always who they claim to be. I have come across a lot of insincere people who are extremely abrasive and dismissive with me, but super kind and accepting in the company of a crowd or another person. I would prefer if someone were consistent with how they act and behave, because interpreting different emotions is hard for me. I’m slowly realizing not all individuals I come across will accept me for who I am, and it’s their loss! I cannot do anything to change how they perceive me. I feel you need to look past appearances and figure out if someone is worth spending time with, or if you should leave them out of your friendship circle.

I wish it weren’t so difficult for individuals such as myself to find acceptance in a world full of racism. I do think that eventually many people can learn not to be racist, but it may be too late to prove yourself worthy of someone’s respect after insulting them.

I will never be ashamed of my ethnicity, even though it has caused me a great deal of prejudice and judgment. But I get to choose whether or not racism and bullying will continue to impact me throughout my life. I know how to discern between right and wrong, and racism will never be OK with me. Deep down most people know racism isn’t polite and should not be tolerated. Yet, we still pick on individuals of color due to racist stereotypes that have been passed down from older generations, our upbringing and our group of friends.

My personal experiences with bullying and racism have helped shape the young woman I am today. I’m an astute woman who is learning how to survive in a society that constantly criticizes those of color. Instead of referring to myself as a victim of racism, I would much rather call myself an advocate. I’m waiting for other people to see my point of view and realize that racism is wrong. There is absolutely no reason why Chinese Canadians who are adopted should not be treated the same as any other individual.

I’m Keara Farnan and I’m learning to embrace my Chinese Canadian heritage. I don’t need anyone else’s permission to be who I am because I’m my own person. I’m not going to change who I am to get a guy to like me or to make friends. If those individuals aren’t able to accept me for who I am, they aren’t the people I should be associating with.

If you could see things from my perspective, you may eventually realize where I am coming from and just how racism constantly affects me. The next time you make fun of someone or call them a racist name, I’d like you to stop and think about how you would feel if those words were directed at you.

I hope you’ll eventually understand and see me for all I’m worth. Please don’t judge me because of my ethnicity and say unkind things, and I will gladly do the same. It’s time to end racism and treat each other with the utmost respect. I hope you’re on my side this time!