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Why Society Is Failing Autistic Children

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Autistic children all over the country are falling through the cracks.

I’m talking about the ones labeled as “high-functioning,” which is already a problematic term. They are better described as autistic children who are verbal and can do many things with little or no support. But trust me, they still need support.

These kids are going unnoticed, being misunderstood and missing out on valuable resources and programs that could help them reach their full potentials. You probably haven’t noticed this, unless you’re the parent of one of these children, in which case it’s a struggle you deal with every day. Just like I do.

What is happening to our kids? For one, as they make their way through school, they’re learning to mask their personalities, attempting to act “normal.” This expends a great deal of energy which negatively impacts mental health. They’re being labeled as the “outcasts,” the “loners,” the “problem children” and the “weirdos.” Many autistic children are not diagnosed until they’re much older, and may even be misdiagnosed.

Why is this happening?

I’ve noticed a few things that seem to frequently happen which causes society to fail these children. There are also some changes that, if brought about, could help solve this problem.

Missed warning signs

The signs of autism aren’t always as obvious as many believe. It’s more common than people realize for kids to have advanced language skills and academics but struggle significantly with sensory processing and/or self-regulation. These kids are labeled as defiant or “bad.” People assume they just didn’t receive enough discipline from their parents. As a result, their poor social skills don’t become obvious until they’ve entered school. At school, they may get sent home or suspended frequently for their behavior.

The signs of autism don’t always show until the demands placed on the child exceed their level of ability.

Late Diagnosis

According to a British study, the average age when an autism diagnosis is confirmed for autistic children who are verbal and require minimal support is 11 years. At 11 years old a child has already spent six or seven years in school, depending upon where they live. That’s seven years of education without the correct accommodations or adaptations to help them succeed. That’s seven years of missed time where valuable social skills and self-regulation skills could have been taught.

Ideally, with early diagnosis, kids receive intensive intervention services before entering the school system. However, those services are unavailable at 11 years old.

We’re doing too little too late.


Sometimes children are first misdiagnosed with other disorders such as ADHD, OCD, ODD, or generalized anxiety disorder. There is a significant overlap of signs and symptoms among these disorders. Plus, before the DSM-V, sensory processing difficulties weren’t included in the diagnostic criteria for autism. A greater emphasis has always been placed on language and communication skills.

Even with poor social skills, verbal children with autism can often act social or “typical” when they’re in a one-on-one situation with an adult, such as during an ASD screening. For many kids, this is the perfect social environment for them. They are basically in their prime. It’s quiet, there are few distractions, and the adult is asking questions that open the opportunity for the child to show their high intelligence. Plus they’ve learned to mask or imitate social nuances from their peers.

When a child receives a misdiagnosis, it may take years before confirming the correct diagnosis. During that time, parents often try different medications and therapies to help their child, with little success.

They frequently have their diagnosis questioned by others

It happens all the time, as many parents can confirm. People will say “Are you sure they have autism? They don’t look autistic,” or “They can’t be autistic because they made eye contact with me once,” etc.

There is still a significant lack of awareness when it comes to autism. Often people expect kids to either be completely nonverbal or to have some kind of prodigious talent. There seems to be a lack of understanding when it comes to the in-between. People outwardly challenge the diagnosis because their behavior doesn’t fit into society’s stereotypical profile of what an autistic person “should” look like.

Their needs are viewed as less urgent

Unless you can afford very expensive private services, public health care typically triages children for services and places them on a waiting list. As a result, autistic children requiring less support often wait longer for services because their needs appear less urgent.

What needs to change?

How can we help stop autistic children from falling through the cracks? I can think of a lot. The system itself is inherently flawed and society is misinformed. However, these few suggestions at the top of my list.

Ditch the labels

Technically, functioning labels were ditched and replaced by levels from 1-3 which indicated the “level of required support” — but society hasn’t ditched these labels yet.

It’s true, all autistic people are so unique it’s hard to group them together — but it’s more harmful not to. It creates low expectations for those who are “low functioning” or “severe,” and dismisses the challenges faced by those who are “high functioning” or “mild.”

That’s unfair to everyone.

Increase Awareness

Parents, educators, care providers, and doctors all need to be more aware of the different challenges experienced by children with autism. Earlier recognition leads to an earlier assessment, which leads to earlier intervention opportunities.

When kids start getting extra help for their additional challenges at a younger age, it’s easier for them to learn appropriate skills and manage issues effectively. You can teach kids social skills and coping strategies. They don’t need to spend the first several years of school falling behind their peers or being left out.

Open conversations about acceptance at school

Depending on who you ask, the prevalence of autism is somewhere between 1 and 48 to 1 in 64. Either way, autism is common. xyz

Schools need to start, from day one, having open conversations about autism, and neurodiversity, teaching students those differences are OK. Children shouldn’t feel embarrassed to flap their hands or put on noise-reducing headphones or leave the classroom for a break. That kind of thing should be normalized.

More open conversations from a young age would help decrease bullying. When children can feel comfortable and accepted while being their true selves, there won’t be a reason to mask anymore. Then everyone can be more accepting and happy.

Autistic children have many incredible abilities and they are going to grow into autistic adults. Some of the greatest minds in history are thought to be autistic. We need to do everything we can to help kids today reach their potential.

Getty image by Bobex-73.

Originally published: August 29, 2019
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