I’m struggling so hard right now with having patience with my #Cancer treatment, the side effects are frustrating, uncomfortable and painful. I’d forgotten that this sucked. I know that with time the results could very well be worth it, this could save my life. But right now, it sucks balls and I’ve literally just restarted it.

After a 2 month treatment hiatus (not on purpose but for other health reasons)I restarted #Chemotherapy this past Tuesday for stage 4 #bileductlivercancer .

I get 2 chemo drugs, Gemzar and Carboplatin (new to replace Cisplatin, which was causing severe neuropathy). Prior to the hiatus, after 2 1/2 months of Cisplatin & Gemzar my main tumor had shrunk from a grapefruit to a peach, 3 of the 4 lymph node spots had shrunk in half and one was gone. It was a miracle! I felt so amazingly blessed and grateful and more tolerant of the side effects.

Then I had to go into hospital for my heart a few times and temporarily stop treatment so my body could get stronger so I could continue.

Now that all that time went by I’m afraid for regrowth but I’m also finding myself not having the same tolerance physically or emotionally than I did when I first started.

The nausea hit different this time, as did the problems eating. I’ll get crazy intense hunger pains out of nowhere but gag if I try to eat or get uncomfortable after a few forced bites. Everything tastes like garbage. Nothing is appealing. Anything protein makes me feel sick. My stomach ALWAYS hurts because I’m that level hungry. The smell or thought of any kind of food gives me the worst anxiety and nausea. And I’m losing weight way too quickly as well as muscle (yay loose skin). Also I’ve doubled up on the laxatives with no results. And every single symptom aggrieves my anxiety and energy level.

I do have nausea medicine and pain medicine however because of my heart I have to use them sparingly.

It doesn’t help that I had unsuccessful chemo port removal/replacement surgery a week ago. There were complications that were dangerous so we can’t attempt the replacement for another month. Meanwhile my neck hurts a ton. The totality of the stress of the side effects of the chemo and the healing post surgery are just making it harder for me to relax or rest at all or calm down enough to tolerate food.

Anyone have any tips for dealing with any of it? Any advice or support is greatly appreciated.