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The Sides of Bipolar Disorder People Don't Talk About

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There are more to the ups and downs that bipolar disorder brings. There are emotions that come along with this diagnosis that get swept under the rug of summarization. It’s more than just being happy one day and sad the next.

• What is Bipolar disorder?

There’s the frustration of not being able to get out of bed because you’re frozen by deep, dark depression.

The sadness is so consuming, you don’t think you’ll make it one more day.

There is the anguish of not being able to be reliable every single time you’re needed.

Some days I can’t count on myself, let alone be there for another person asking me for help. I wish with all of my might that I could be someone’s rock, even though I can’t be one for myself.

The lack of hope that one day it will get better and I will be strong enough to conquer this.

The feelings of anger and irritation pulsing through my body for no apparent reason. My aggression toward everyone, even though I know they have done nothing wrong.

The grief I feel when the thoughts come rushing in, telling me I am a burden to others and everyone who once loved me.

The heartache from the thought that I am pushing everyone away and will soon be alone. The fear of facing this alone.

The exhaustion of putting up a front to mask my many emotions and terrifying thoughts, just to seem OK and “normal.”

It’s more than just being happy one day and sad the next. There are highs of being productive with little amounts of sleep that can go on for days, even weeks.

The manic state of rash decisions and risky behavior, such as impromptu tattoos or even solo backpacking trips through Europe.

The euphoric feeling of being on top of the world.

The racing thoughts and distractions that cannot be controlled.

The blissful feeling of being out of my depressive state.

The confidence that the darkness will never come back, but the acknowledgement that it will.

The hope that people will begin to understand the many sides of bipolar that aren’t mentioned.

GettyImages via jjkol

Originally published: October 26, 2018
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