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I Wasn’t Ready for What Came After My Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis

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Living with a mental illness is something new to me. I have found it is a trial and error process filled with having to learn from constant difficult situations. While I knew my diagnosis was the first step in the right direction, I wasn’t ready for a lot of things that came with it.

I wasn’t ready for how much hard work it takes to get to a stable place in life.

I wasn’t ready to have to wait weeks to get seen by hospitals and clinics, only to have 15 to 30-minute meet and greets.

I wasn’t ready for the awkward encounters with other patients living with mental illness at different behavioral health hospitals.

I wasn’t ready for the mass amount of pharmaceuticals the psychiatrists try to give you.

I wasn’t ready for the intensified side effects and symptoms that come from trying multiple medications all at once.

I wasn’t ready to be involuntarily hospitalized.

I wasn’t ready to be voluntarily hospitalized with the intent of staying for a couple of days, but being sent home only after a couple of hours.

I wasn’t ready for everyone in my life to either disappear or look at me differently.

I wasn’t ready for those I thought were loved ones to vanish because they thought I was too much to handle.

I wasn’t ready for this to affect my work and my career.

I wasn’t ready to be associated with my condition instead of who I am as a person.

I wasn’t ready to face this journey alone.

I am now, however, ready to be better and to overcome this.

I am now ready to be my own support system if that’s what it means to survive and persevere. I am now ready to be strong and confident once again, and I know I will, one day.

Photo by Daniil Lobachev on Unsplash

Originally published: September 23, 2019
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