No, Body Dysmorphic Disorder Is Not Something 'Everyone Has'

I get really annoyed when people say everyone has body dysmorphia. I hate hearing, “We all don’t like something about ourselves, so how is body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) so different?”

The official definition of body dysmorphic disorder is “a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others.” But in my opinion, that doesn’t summarize it at all.

This is what it really feels like:

I am the most grotesquely ugly person in the world. I am the most disgusting, vile person in the world. I have a list of 72 things that are wrong with my body, down to the lines on my hands. I have too many lines on my palms — it’s so disgusting I can’t even look at my palms. My nose is so big, it’s the most disgusting nose. My eyes are too close together and too big they are a horrible blue color and my eyes stick out my head too much and my lips are too small. The make me look “stupid” when I smile because they disappear and my chin is too round and points at the bottom too much. My ears stick out too much and every morning I spend exactly five minutes trying to push them back with my hands.

No one sees me without makeup, not even my mum and dad. If there was a fire in my house and I had no makeup on, I would stay inside the house. I pick my skin so much to make it perfectly smooth that I have sores all over my scalp and on the back of my head/hair line and my chest is covered in sores and a rash at the moment where I’ve picked it so badly. And currently the rash is so badly inflamed because I apply fake tan over the top of it and I cry because the pain is so intense and it burns, but I have to put fake tan on. I have a scar at the moment that won’t go away because I got so angry at how ugly I am. I scratch my legs in pure rage and now my head spins every time I look at that scar because it’s an imperfection on my body and I can’t make it go away. I can’t wear my hair up because I believe my forehead is too big and my ears stick out and I have sores along the back of my head on my hair line and I my nose looks bigger with my hair up and my lips look smaller and I look so disgusting with it up.

When I go to work, I am out of bed at 5 a.m. in the morning and I cleanse my face twice, stroke each part of my face 13 times each, stand in the mirror and pinch all my fat, try and push my ears back and then have to stare at myself before I put makeup on.

I can’t go into shops with certain lighting because they make me look horrible and I certainly can’t go out in “casual” clothes because I’ll look scruffy. I find it hard to go out straight from work because I have to re-do my makeup and I can’t leave my room once my makeup is off. I constantly have to check my appearance or sometimes can’t look at myself all together. I have to weigh myself multiple times a day and sometimes have to put towels on every mirror in my house so I can’t see myself.

I get angry when people say I’m beautiful because I know they’re lying and I get more angry when people say, “deal with it.” Or that I’m “vain.” I get sad when no one understands and get sad when I have to pretend I’m fine.

Now please tell me how body dysmorphic disorder is something “everyone has.”