To My Past Self Living With Borderline Personality Disorder

Dear past self,

In what feels like bottomless loneliness in life, don’t despair. Through all the darkness that seems to bind you, there is hope. At one point in your life, you will look at the shattered expectations surrounding you and think: This is it. That there is nothing worth living for. That just because things aren’t what you thought they should be, they are worthless. Nothing is worthless, especially you.

There are times where you will fail. You will lose your temper. You will say things you don’t mean and you will be sorry. You’ll be so sorry for who you are. There will be times you will want to give in to the darkness. But don’t underestimate your worth. You may be broken right now, but you are not worthless.

You will find in all the chaos, someone who quiets you. Someone who understands your rain. Someone who sees past the twisting roller coaster you ride and sees your worth. Never settle for less than that. Even if your reflection is like a funhouse mirror. Even if you cannot see yourself for who you truly are. You are worth so much more than just settling. So much more than just being comfortable.

Don’t be afraid. It’s hard. It’s so hard. But you will make it.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Lead photo via Arkady Lifshits.