So tired of feel like I work circles around trying to keep my self calm threw a day, always thinking about ways to fix tomorrow's next blow up, but it dosnt just depend on me, I feel like every one plays into my anger, even if its to spike it! I feel like they look for the episodes sometimes, cause no matter how many times I discuss way to avoid it.. They never listen, and do the same thing the next time, and wonder why they got the out come they did! They make me feel like I'm crazy, they make me feel like I'll never be okay. They treat me as if I can change something I can't always change, especially with a bad situation to start the episode. They will keep it going, literally tell I can't control my self sometimes. I have a drug abusing problem, I feel like I will never truly be clean trying to deal with every one else's demons as well as my own. #bpdisexhaustin #bpdnightmare #bpdandmeth #boarderlinepersonalitydisorder #BPDtriggers