I Didn't Ask for a Tummy Tuck or Boob Job. I Had Breast Cancer.

“Oh, so you get a free tummy tuck, too?”

WTF, seriously? Free?

I had cancer — that is where this all started, not because I am obsessed with a friggin’ nip and tuck. I never once asked for these foobs, nor did I want them. No offense whatsoever to those with tucks and nips; that was your choice and you should have at it.

I have not yet met a cancer badass who has said, “Phew, I really enjoyed this whole process. I am so happy I got cancer because this is just what I wanted.”

Not a single one.

I was going along fine with my floppy, breastfed boobs. Just fine. Sure they sagged, but they were mine oh mine. Then bam, got cancer and it all unfolded.

I needed to decide then whether it was a lumpectomy or mastectomy — reconstruction or flat and fabulous. There was no one telling me to slow down and really think this through, which is what you want in the end.

It happened so fast I made decisions based on what I thought people did. I had never wanted implants, but it seemed my only option.

Honestly, I may seem all brave and together, but I am not any of that when the idea of going flat was brought up. Call me vain, but I needed to have something there. So I got expanders that they pumped up and then had the implants put in.

That may seem so cut and dry, but until you are in it, the feeling is surreal, especially with cancer looming overhead. Which from the get-go I hated.

No, I will not go on again about how fake they are, but that is how I feel — like an alien. I have plenty of friends that feel great in the implants and are OK with them, but again, they did not ask for them.

For me, they are not working — not physically, mentally or anything in between. So, it is the DIEP and the real me, at the cost of a long mother freaking surgery, major recovery and whatever else is thrown at me. But I did not ask for this.

I need this for my recovery… for my healing from cancer. That is the difference.

I did not call the plastic surgeon to ask for a tummy tuck or boob job. I went in for my follow-up from this lumpy ass journey and that is what we decided.

I do not look forward to a flat stomach (OK a little, but that isn’t what the big picture is about). I look forward to feeling like me, just a little.

Please, if you are reading this, I hope you get the message I am trying to say. If not, let me clarify. Saying “Oh, you are so lucky to get a free boob job,” or “Oh boy, a free tummy tuck,” or “Aren’t you happy to have free perky boobs?” should never be said, ever.

Add the neuropathy, lymphedema, nerve damage, weight gain and all the other crap that we get on top of the cancer and it is not free — the price we pay is beyond what anyone can afford.

This princess loves to ask for free shoes, a sparkly tiara on sale or a great price on a dress because those are fabulous! Getting cancer for a nip ant tuck is not so fabulous. Just saying.

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