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When You Fall Back Into Bulimia

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Editor’s note: If you live with an eating disorder, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

There’s nothing quite like realizing you’re getting bad again. It starts slowly. The voice makes itself heard every time you look down at your body or see your reflection in the mirror. You become obsessed with the number on the scale once again. When your friends see skin, you only see fat.

Then, after resisting the urge for so long, you feel your fingers scraping at the back of your throat. You feel so conflicted. You know you shouldn’t have made yourself throw up, but the emptiness of your stomach gives you a sense of “pride.”

You try to tell yourself this was a one time thing. It won’t happen again. It can’t happen again, but then it does.

You find yourself spiraling out of control. You’re trapped in the cycle once again. You feel like you can’t tell anybody what’s going on. So you isolate yourself, but it just gets worse.

Eventually, you must summon all the strength you possess and reach out to someone you trust. It may seem impossible, but you can do it. It’s OK to ask for help.

 If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.

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Image via Thinkstock.

Originally published: December 19, 2016
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