Things I Shouldn’t Feel After My Cancer Diagnosis

I shouldn’t

know what it feels like to watch my friends die.

have to feel guilty for taking a sick day.

have to think “I feel ugly without hair.”

have to feel like a shitty person because I am out of treatment now and my friends are not.

have to be strong for my family and friends.

have to know more about cancer than my oncologist.

feel guilty for using the excuse, “I can’t because I have cancer.”

feel bad for not wanting to explain everything to everyone.

have to feel like I’m drowning just to survive.

have to go bankrupt because of my cancer.

have to feel like a failure because I haven’t figured out of my life yet.

feel jealous watching all my friends have fun without me.

feel jealous of the children who have cancer and get the cool “cancer perks.”

have to feel like I need to work twice as hard to prove myself because I have cancer.

have to feel like nobody understands.

I shouldn’t have to feel

Helpless 

Weak 

Alone 

Pathetic 

Useless 

I shouldn’t feel any of these things.

But I do.