How I Learned to Appreciate My Celiac Disease

Sleeping on the bathroom floor because I was too sick to crawl back and forth to bed was becoming the norm for me. Every doctor told me there was nothing wrong that could be causing my severe digestive issues, brain fog, anxiety and pain. I knew this couldn’t be true but I was too exhausted anymore to fight it. I was barely keeping up with work every day and dealing with my fiancé, who thought I was faking my illness. But, I went to see one more doctor, sobbing. He saw that I was literally starving to death from celiac disease. Testing confirmed it and I was elated to know that giving up three foods would save my life! Just eating better was my answer. No surgery? No pills? It was a miracle…or so I thought.

My entire existence changed that day.

As I healed, I learned just how much the world demands conformity, and there’s isolation that comes from not being what other people in your life expect you to be, even with something so insignificant as what you eat.

It was difficult, I’ll be real with you – many friends disappeared when I informed them I couldn’t participate in all-you-can-eat pasta night anymore, when I declined the birthday cake and when everyone felt uncomfortable because I was the only one not eating at get-togethers.

I couldn’t understand how what I was required to not eat could affect them so much that they would distance themselves like that. I became overly cautious about discussing my disease and further isolated when I declined invitations in fear that I’d make others uncomfortable or even lose potential friends.

I couldn’t stand any more loss in my life, so I opted myself out.

The hardest part was that I’d been jolted awake to the fact that what we eat and how we live literally creates our body and either allows us to show up for our lives in the way we want to or keeps us sick and sleeping on the bathroom floor, and I couldn’t go back to living the “normal” American lifestyle that had made me so sick. I never wanted to experience that difficulty and pain again and my anxiety over food and my environment skyrocketed.

Then, in 2008, people and animals were dying from contaminated wheat gluten that was imported and added to various foods in several countries. In a way, Celiac had protected me from that catastrophe and I started to become more interested in how our industrial food system works. Instead of just worrying, I became obsessed with learning about nutrition and how to optimize my health through natural means, which opened me up to my life’s purpose – something I never thought I’d find.

And I really began to appreciate my celiac disease. It brought me many other gifts, such as the wherewithal to finally stand up for my own requirements and set healthy boundaries with family and friends instead of being the pushover I was before in every way. It taught me about relationships: how to release people gracefully, who are only in your life for their selfish reasons, and how to appreciate and hold close the people who truly love you, no matter what.

I also learned to cook a mean and gluten-free holiday dinner!

Today my life looks much different than that cold, gray November day that I was diagnosed. I have learned to embrace my celiac for the difficulties and the good. I have a circle of true friends and family who I can rely on and likewise am able to show up for them too! I have a growing business that I love and a true passion for what I do, every single day. Most importantly though, it forced me to acknowledge that I’m the only one who can take care of me and I can’t delegate my health to anyone else, including doctors. It gave me the strength to become the independent, passionate and strong woman I am today.

Sometimes the best gifts come with a high price tag! And no, I haven’t slept on the bathroom floor since.

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