I'm a Disability Advocate, but Sometimes Want to Hide My Disability

Being a disability advocate, blogger, campaigner and public speaker is a personal choice. I choose to write a blog and to share my experiences with others. I also choose to stand up for others and would like to see a positive change within society. However, there are also times when I wish I could hide my disability and pretend it wasn’t there.

Being an advocate means I have put myself out there. I have shared aspects of my life that many people choose to keep private. Surely you have to be completely confident about having a disability to disclose this kind of information on the internet? You couldn’t be more wrong. I know there is nothing wrong about having a disability and I am extremely proud to be able to do the work I do, but even disability advocates need a break.

There are times when you may wish you didn’t have a disability — even if this is just a fleeting thought in the back of your mind. There are so many hurdles, battles and daily inequalities that you may lose count. We may expect most of the inequalities, yet choosing our battles wisely is a difficult task. Sometimes you’re tired of fighting against everything and correcting society to be a more accessible place. Yet there is still a passion for change that gives you the energy and determination to face these battles.

You may hear or see something that goes against every fiber of your being, but you don’t question it or make a comment. For example, people may use inappropriate language or talk to the people you are with rather than yourself. You could question their actions and politely correct them in the hope they won’t do it again. Slowly, this would improve the lives of others and make disability more integrated and acknowledged.  On the other hand, you could let it pass. You may feel guilty for not standing up for what you believe in. It also feels like your job to question things and change society for the better — which is a lot of pressure but can be equally rewarding. Surely it would be easier to not have a disability?

Hiding your disability can come in handy when faced with an awkward conversation. Unfortunately, not everyone can do this. Laughing along with the joke is the easiest option — it’s also the one that often hurts the most.

On the other hand, you may make a comment and regret even bringing it up. The backlash, especially on social media, can be harsh. You may be called a liar, told your opinions aren’t valid or that it simply doesn’t matter. We comment on the inequalities to make society a fairer place, yet the responses can confirm just how far away we are from a level playing field. Similarly, some people have rigid opinions and it doesn’t matter what you say, they still won’t see your point of view. People are allowed their opinions, I’m not disputing that, but just because you’re able-bodied, it doesn’t mean you can’t support us.

With that said, advocacy and campaigning does work. The changes you see can give you hope and motivation to keep going. We also gain strength from those around us. The disability activist community is a force to be reckoned with — I know I wouldn’t want to be faced by them all. We’re strong, passionate and driven. I believe this is what keeps us afloat in a world that still doesn’t want us around and I’m so thankful for that. My achievements are their achievements and their achievements are mine; that makes us all pretty successful!

I write about my disability so others have the knowledge they need to overcome their insecurities in a world that is often fighting against their rights. I advocate for the version of me that wishes to be hidden in the hope that one day, we no longer need to hide.